Alexei Morozov Resurfaces, Scores Actual Goal

Former Penguins prospect / scorer-against-the-Devils Alexei Morozov (aka “Aleksey” Morozov) resurfaced on the front of ESPN’s NHL page today after scoring an overtime winner in an international tournament:

HELSINKI — Russia won the four-nation Karjala Cup on Sunday after Alexei Morozov scored in overtime to clinch a 4-3 victory over the Czech Republic.

The win puts Russia out of reach of Finland, which routed Sweden 7-0 in the late game Sunday.

Wow, Alexei Morozov actually scored? He didn’t just dazzle the Czechs with his ‘limitless untapped potential’ and people thinking he was fast cause his name sounds like he should be fast?

I guess the Czechs are the Devils of Europe?

Pirates Trade For Akinori Iwamura In Radical Attempt To Be Less Terrible

The Pirates have traded 26-year-old reliever Jesse Chavez to the Tampa Bay Rays for 31-year-old Akinori Iwamura, a left-handed-hitting infielder who’s played second and third in parts of three seasons with the Rays but who appeared in only 69 games last season because of injury and the emergence of Ben Zobrist.

Compare Iwamura’s numbers to that of the Buccos’ All-Star second baseman of yesteryear –

2009 Freddy Sanchez:
489 PA, .293 / .326 / .416, 7 HR

Akinori Iwamura career numbers, per 162 GP:
719 PA, .281 / .354 / .393, 7 HR

Those Iwamura numbers include his age 29 and 30 seasons, so they’re not exactly comparable to Sanchez’s, but still — Iwamura’s production across his three-year career has been almost imperceptibly different from that of Sanchez’s healthy 2009, with a slightly higher OBP and very slightly less power (though the power gap might even narrow, as Iwamura is a lefty heading to PNC Park).

Like most bloggers, I’m inherently skeptical to believe that teams like the Rays, Twins, Marlins, or A’s have lost a trade (it’s the opposite when the Royals, Giants, or Mets make a deal), but I’m in favor of the Pirates’ move here, and I feel like I’m in the majority among Pirate fans.

Let’s give this a second to sink in:

Penguins 4, Ducks 3: You Gotta Play A Solid, Complete Fifty Minutes Of Hockey

My brother is currently on a West-Coast Penguins trip, attending the Ducks, Kings, and Sharks games this week as a (jealousy-inspiring) birthday gift from his wife Chancy. After the second period of the Ducks game last night, we exchanged the following texts at the end of the second period after Crosby fed a wide-open Pascal Dupuis at the blue line and he proceeded to do what he so often does: do the farthest possible thing from scoring and spastically just fall down untouched. The exchange –

Me: Get used to that Crosby to Dupuis fall down at the blue line play on this trip

Mike: I told Chancy Dupuis is terrible. She said quiet, his brother could be sitting next to you

Me: Did the guy next to you get handed a drink then immediately fall down?

[Dupuis scores to put the Pens up 4-3]

Me: No way

Mike: He heard from his brother at the half. No way he has 3 goals. Ray Lewis stat

Long story short, the Pens got a go-ahead goal from Pascal Dupuis and proceeded to balance the karma by playing a suicidal last ten minutes against an extremely talented Ducks team and miraculously surviving. I wasn’t even doing my typical “have to make myself worried about the lead because I’m any fan” third period nervousness, I was past that and into “clearly Anaheim’s going to score, so hopefully they can just squeeze this one out in a shootout.” Thanks to a double pad-stack by Sidney Crosby, an improbable Fleury glove save on Saku Koivu (his typical Fleury “ridiculous save to make up for frustrating goal”), and about ninety lucky Pens bounces, they escaped with a 4-3 regulation win.

I have no idea how the Ducks are 4-7-2; every player on their team is 6′4″ and skilled, and Scott Niedermayer looks like he hasn’t lost a step on D. Jonas Hiller didn’t play impressively, but I can’t imagine the Ducks won’t crack that Top 8 in the West before the final 178 regular season games are up, and with their size and ability to create traffic in front of the net, I can still see them going far in the playoffs once they start fully clicking.

Also, Gonchar being out is no excuse for this Penguin power play sucking. It’s just not. Letang and Goligoski are two exceptionally qualified point men, and you have Sidney effing Crosby out there for two minutes with every man advantage. You could throw two cones out there at the wings and still at least go ONE for six on the power play.

Whatever, still another win. Let’s see if the Pens can play even worse in the final 10 minutes against the Kings and win by even more.

Watch Out, Ducks: Danny Bylsma Is Back

Empty Netters found this awesome Dan Byslma backhand goal against the Thrashers from 2002:

With the Pens’ depleted forward lines, think it’s time for DB to suit up for a game like Roger Dorn in Major League 2?

Wait, no, that was terrible. And could lead to Major League 3: Back To The Minors. Leeeeeeeet’s just stick with Chris Conner a little longer…

Malkin To Take 2-3 Week Break

Evgeni Malkin has decided to make the Penguins’ next month of hockey marginally more challenging by sitting out 2-3 weeks with a shoulder injury. In response, the Pens have called up Chris Conner and some dude named Mark Letestu from Wilkes-Barre/Scranton.

No word yet on precisely how the team plans to compensate for his ice time, but I imagine the Staal-Kennedy-Cooke line will remain intact (when Kennedy returns) and possibly assume the technical moniker as the “#2 Line,” with perhaps Craig Adams centering Fedotenko and Conner on a half-scorey, half-grindy sort of third line. Dupuis could bump Conner in a pinch, but I’m guessing they’re not calling up Conner to have him sit, and Dupuis would be far better suited for a role on a 4th line and occassional PK or random thrown-together-after-powerplay line. Rupp isn’t going anywhere, and Godard, Bourque, and Letestu can rotate in the other roster spots, depending on who gets the most impressive one rush down the side and wrist shot into the opposing goalie’s glove.

Malkin’s spot on the power play will probably be shared by Kennedy and/or Fedotenko, but I’m also guessing we’ll see Conner out there with the man advantage as well. I’m glad the Pens have Conner, too, because he’s exactly the sort of “Just called up from the AHL!” dude who would definitely score against the Penguins in his first game up.

Obviously, with Gonchar out already, this gives the Pens some major ice time to redistribute, but it’s also not even November and there’s no way the Pens aren’t making the playoffs, so as long as it’s not a nagging injury for Malkin, the Pens giving him a little rest and their depth guys some more seasoning probably won’t be a bad thing.

Anyone wanna dare them to try to keep winning with Crosby out too? Cahhhmaaaaaan……

http://community.post-gazette.com/blogs/emptynetters/archive/2009/10/29/penguins-recall-conner-and-letestu.aspx

Penguins 6, Canadiens 1: Pens Manage To Contain Team Of Easily-Containable Dudes

Montreal appears to be right on track for their annual low-seeded playoff finish, early playoff exit, and consequent coach pressure and firing in December of 2010. The Canadiens have been playing better defensively lately, at least as far as I can derive from tickerbar scores, but the Penguins absolutely manhandled them; Montreal appeared to be playing no discernible system, the supposedly red-hot Jaroslav Halak turned in a pedestrian performance, and the Canadiens’ Gomez-Gionta-Cammalleri “Legion of OK Dudes” combination was far from terror-inspiring.

In short, Montreal resembles a better-coached ‘08-’09 Tampa Bay Lightning: a suddenly high-priced roster of more than 50% new guys all frantically trying to mesh together to resemble a complete hockey team. I imagine they’ll still make the playoffs, though, because unlike the Lightning, they’ll be motivated by the fact that if they miss the playoffs, the citizens of Montreal will hunt down and murder their families. But I don’t see them going anywhere after that.

Other bright spots:

- Free agent splash Mike Rupp matched his goal total from last season (3 in 72 games) just 12 games into the season.

- I laughed pretty hard in the First when Malkin slipped a saucer pass to Dupuis for a mini breakaway and Steigerwald excitedly announced “Here comes Dupuis all alone…saved by Halak.” You’re not allowed to excitedly raise your voice if the person with the scoring chance is Pascal Dupuis. It’s the same as the old Kip Miller rule.

- I find myself rooting extra hard against Montreal these days solely because they took on Scott Gomez’s contract and helped the Rangers, making them guilty of some “Accessory To Team I Hate” crime. Beating them by 5 goals while Nonfactor-ez  turned in a typical nonfactor performance was far sweeter than your standard Northeast Division win.

- Sidney Crosby is good.

Chiefs Suspend Larry Johnson For Gay Slurs; Rams Players Exclaim, “Awesome, That’s All It Takes??”

Kansas City Chiefs running back and 2006 fantasy pick Larry Johnson has been suspended indefinitely from team activities while the organization investigates his alleged use of gay slurs towards media members following the Chiefs’ loss to San Diego this past Sunday:

Johnson issued an apology and a national gay rights advocacy organization called on the league and the team to take action against the two-time Pro Bowl back…

The Chiefs said they have told Johnson he would not be allowed to practice with the team or participate in team activities until the matter was resolved. (Yahoo)

Johnson’s punishment for using gay slurs is to not have to play for the Kansas City Chiefs?? That’s a punishment? This could set an extremely dangerous precedent…

Immediately following the suspension, roughly 130 players for the Rams, Bucs, Browns, Lions, Titans, and Terrell Owens immediately Twittered “EVERYONE IN THE MEDIA IS FAGS I REPEAT FAGS PLEASE RETEWEET THIS”

If Only That Vikings Game Had Been A Scrimmage…

Steelers postgame comments:

“We scored more touchdowns than their offense,” said safety Ryan Clark. “If it was a scrimmage, we would have won.”

My brother Mike points out, “It wasn’t a scrimmage and you did win.  For the same reason you would have won the scrimmage.”

Marian Gaborik’s Twelve-Game Ironman Streak In Jeopardy Following Unforseeable Injury

Who could’ve seen this coming?

“That’s why we signed him,” gushed GM Glen Sather. “To make an impact, then get hurt and spend 2-80 weeks away from the team while people keep saying how good the Rangers are gonna be when Gaborik comes back.”

I’m pretty sure “Gaborik scores 2, leaves game with injury” is one of the default headlines whenever someone starts a sports publication. It’s the NHL’s version of the “I’m running late” text message.

Steelers 27, Vikings 17: Dumbass NFL Victories Are Way More Fun Than Dumbass NFL Losses

The Steelers had already fallen victim to two “Dammit, NFL” losses, so it was about time for a “Dammit, NFL” win. The Steelers didn’t control play against the Vikings at all; they were outgained 386 – 259, lost the possession battle 36:58 – 23:02, converted only 4 of 12 third downs, most of which were exceedingly reasonable, and Roethlisberger turned in a pedestrian 14/26 for 175 yards and a TD. Still, the Steelers prevailed, because it’s the damn NFL and good teams win weird games like this all the time; unless you’re the ‘07 Patriots, even the league’s best teams usually pad their gaudy records with three or four crappy victories, but in the end, as cliched as it sounds, none of that matters, cause the Steelers won, they’re 5-2 now, and the Vikings are no longer undefeated.

The Vikings did commit an astonishing 5,795 yards worth of penalties, which helped a bit, and the Steelers D finally got tired of us whining about them needing to make a big play and spitefully scored two touchdowns to shut us up (for at least one quarter). Even with the Vikings’ miscues and the seemingly slanted offensive statistics, the Steelers could’ve put the game away earlier if…

1) Santonio Holmes’ TD wasn’t negated with an offensive pass interference call on Heath “Ol’ Reliable Except On That Play” Miller.

2) Rashard Mendenhall hadn’t fumbled on the Vikings 4 yard line by diving over the pile on a non-goalline play and spastically flinging away the football. I’m pretty sure Mendenhall was waiting for the exact millisecond when Steeler fans finally trusted him again after his rookie struggles and Bengals-game benching to make sure that when he did screw up again, it was extra gut-wrenching. I’m still waiting for Lastings Milledge to do the same with the Pirates next year, with a hot month of April followed by him randomly founding a Neo-Nazi hate group in May (Awww, crap!)

3) Not allowed Percy Harvin to return a kickoff 275 yards for a touchdown (yep, he ran the length of the field and back untouched 2.75 times). The Steelers special teams had to play competently for all of 2008 before I even began to entertain the thought that whenever they kicked off, it might actually not get returned for a touchdown (or to like, the Steeler 10), and like the Mendenhall thing, juuuuuuust when I was beginning to believe in the Steelers’ special teams, they’ve now given up kick return TDs in back to back games.

Apologies for the Bill Simmons-style rip-off reference, but I feel a bit like Helen Hunt at the end of Cast Away; after being convinced for months and months through therapy that my husband was gone, I finally grew to accept it, then BAM! He’s back out of nowhere. Only in this case, the husband is some random fast dude warping to the 50 untouched and me shrugging too hard to bother shouting the F-word.

4) Any Combination of the Above. All three would’ve been nice.

Other random thoughts on the game: