Montreal Canadiens Apparently Last People On Earth Who Still Think Scott Gomez Is Good

Rangers GM Glen Sather is whitewashing a fence.

Glen Sather: Dag nabbit. How’m I gon get ridduh this here Scott Gomez? I’d sure like me tah get some better hockey players but I ain’t never gonna fittem under my dag blastid salary cap!

Canadiens GM Bob Gainey walks by, whistling.

Bob Gainey: Ha ha, crazy ol’ Glen, you a bigger sucker than a leech on a camel! Did Aunt Polly stick you with Scott Gomez’s contract?

Glen Sather: No siree! I love me some Scott Gomez’s contract! Hoo-eee, 5 more years and $33 million left for a completely average forward who’s scored 13, 16, and 16 goals the past three seasons while earning upwards of $8 million, which is around what Crosby, Malkin, Ovechkin, Thornton, Zetterberg, Kovalchuk, and Iginla make! Goll-eee, it’s funner’n a family uh weasels in a barrel full o’ sarsparilla!

Bob Gainey: Wait…you sayin’ you LIKE havin’ Scott Gomez’s contract?

Glen Sather: Sher’ do! Havin’ Scott Gomez’s contract isssssuuhhhhhhh tttheeeebestttts!!!

Bob Gainey: Well gee whiz, Glenny…I’d sure like to try havin’ me some Scott Gomez’s contract, if it ain’t too much bother.

Glen Sather: Ain’t no way in kermuffins I’m-uh lettin’ you have mah Scotty Gomez contract. You’s best keep right on-a walkin’.

Bob Gainey: Awwwww come on, Glensy, I thoughts we was friends! Just lemmie try for a might two minutes!

Glen Sather: Maybe we cun’ work some’in out. What’s it to ya?

Bob Gainey: How bout productive winger Chris Higgins, who’s 4 years younger than Gomez and makes $6 million less, and an exchange of minor leaguers? Gosh I wanna try havin’ me some Scott Gomez contract really bad, Glenny, uh really doo!!!

Glen Sather: Wellllllll…. ok. You can have Scott Gomez’s contract. But just this once!!

Bob Gainey: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Six Months Pass.

Bob Gainey: Goll-eee, Glenny, those Montreal types sure did fire me good!

Tags: Canadiens, Christopher Higgins, Rangers, Scott Gomez, Terrible Trades