This Poodle Loves The Steelers, Understands Concept Of Human Football

You think you’re a true Steeler fan? You’re not, unless this is your poodle:

The poodle will be immediately penciled into the Steelers’ depth chart as their first backup O-Tackle.

Also – blah blah blee blah doo dee Michael Vick joke!

Ehhh… I Think I’m Voting For Jeff Clement

A Google search for “Steve Pearce” turns up this result above all others: http://www.peopleforpearce.com/

I don’t care what this guy accomplished in 2007, I just haven’t witnessed anything in the past two years that would indicate Pearce is deserving of an everyday spot in Congress. Maybe if the state of New Mexico could platoon him with a lefty?

The Billy Mays Tribute Concert In Sto-Rox: Pittsburghest Thing Ever?

The Pirates have won 5 of their last 6 and took consecutive series against the Brewers and Reds — two teams who I’d argue are in the midst of far more disappointing seasons than the Buccos given their preseason expectations — but that’s not the biggest Pittsburgh news of the past week.

The Pittsburgh-est news of the week, and possibly the Pittsburgh-est story ever, was the announcement of a Billy Mays Tribute Concert to take place in Sto-Rox next month. My friend Dave and I reacted to the news with the following GChat conversation:

Me: Dude, Billy Mays tribute concert

Me: Clarks + ??

Dave: i challenge anyone to think of a more burgh concept than a tribute concert for billy mays in sto-rox

Dave: not going to happen

Dave: there is no iris analogy out there to rival this

Me: ehhh, Dave Wannstedt coaching pitt?

David: nay good sir

Me: I wonder who’s gonna perform

Me: Joe Grushecky

Me: Clarks

Me: Clarks with special guest Joe Gruchecky

Me: Foghat or someone?

Dave: i could actually see the now famed ‘poverty neck hillbillies’ giving back to the community for this performance

We’ll have to wait to see the lineup to confirm, but could this in fact be the ‘Burghest Thing Ever? Feel free to leave your yea/nay arguments in the comments.

Red Wings Sign Bertuzzi; Fill Need For Third Annoying, Injury-Prone Goalie-Interfering Dude

ESPN:

The Detroit Red Wings have agreed to terms on a deal with Todd Bertuzzi pending the free-agent forward passing a physical, sources told ESPN.com’s Pierre LeBrun on Tuesday.

The one-year deal is “worth around $1.5 million,” a source said.

Red Wings GM Ken Holland gushed, “Todd fills our need for a third huge annoying guy who can go to the net and interfere with the opposing goaltender so constantly, the refs will have to raise their standard of what constitutes an interference penalty.”

He added, “Right now, we’re probably penciling him in on the third line to spread out our goalie-interfering capabilities, but in a pinch, we could conceivably put him, Tomas Holmstrom and Johan Franzen on one line together, have them stand on each other’s shoulders in the crease wearing one big long jersey, and literally murder the opposing goaltender.”

“The fact that Bertuzzi is extremely injury-prone is a nice bonus, too, so he can be out for long extended periods of time and we can call up random AHL dudes you’ve never heard of who will instantly be better than most teams’ second-line forwards and it’ll piss you off. It’s a great fit for both parties.”

SIlver Lining From The Cubs Blowout: John Russell’s Sarcasm

Perhaps the one positive to come out of yesterday’s 17-2 Pirates loss to the Cubs was the following uncharacteristically snappy quote from John Russell, who apparently requires exactly a fifteen-run defeat to briefly display humanity:

Even typically stoic manager John Russell replied sarcastically to a Chicago radio reporter’s question about whether he found it “embarrassing” to give up 14 runs that early.

“No, it’s great,” Russell said. “I love it.”

In a way, getting shut down by Tom Gorzellanny is almost as embarrassing, so maybe we’ll actually hear a “gosh DARNIT!” out of Russell in tomorrow’s paper.

Pirates Give Up 10 Runs In One Inning

12:00 – “Oh cool, the Pirates have a game at 2 today, I’m working from home so I’ll be able to have it on in the background. Hopefully it won’t be as crappy as those last two Colorado games.”

2:30-3:20 – Second inning occurs.

3:21 – [Stabs Eyes Out]

Here’s A Thing That Exists

What better way to suit up for the couple thrilling serieses in tonight’s Steelers / Cardinals preseason opener than with this Reebok Steelers Fresh Flame Visor:

Wackee Pirate Fakt Of The Day

I spelled that wacky to make it wackier!

Just noticed this today – do you know who leads all of MLB in home runs by a rookie this season?

Check it out.

Pretty wackee fakt, right? I’d go as far as to call it zaynee.

I’ll stop.

Zack Von Rosenberg Is A Glass-Half-Full Fellow

In franchise news far more significant than the major-league club’s 8-game losing streak, the Pirates signed pitcher Zack Von Rosenberg, their sixth-round pick (but considered an early-round talent), to a $1.2 million deal over the weekend, the highest amount any team has paid a player outside the first round this draft season.

Chuck Finder has an informative profile on Von Rosenberg and the Pirates’ ongoing draft efforts in the P-G today, which includes, among other things, this humorously backhanded quote of optimism:

“It’s going to be fun, being part of the comeback — 17 [losing] years in the making,” Von Rosenberg said, a reference to the Pirates’ consecutive sub-.500 seasons, before heading to Bradenton last night. “It’s going to be awesome.”

Man, I’m excited — this team has totally blown for SO LONG, it’s gonna be great when us actual major-league talents arrive and start not blowing!

And to be honest, backhanded excitement or not, I couldn’t share his sentiments more completely.

One Thing Bob Nutting Didn’t Do…

…Is release a 28-year-old, 2-time-All-Star outfielder with five years remaining on his contract and receive literally nothing in return, which is exactly what the Toronto Blue Jays just did in waiving Alex Rios.

Rios, who was picked up by the White Sox, is hitting a paltry .264 / .317 / .427 with 14 HR in 479 PA this year (and 15 HR all of last year), and scheduled to make around $60 million between now and 2014, not including his 2015 option. Buster Olney estimates that Rios would be worth about a 2-year, $20 mil deal or a 3-year, $30 mil deal if he were a free agent today, meaning that from a straight numerical sense, the Blue Jays may be somewhat justified in their outright release, escaping from an albatross of a contract and possibly improving the team in the long-term if they ultimately re-invest the majority of that money back into baseball operations.

That being said, given the level of outrage from many Pirates fans towards Neal Huntington’s unforced baseball trades in the past year and a half, could you imagine the level of fan outrage if Bob Nutting ever allowed something like the Rios release to happen to the Pirates? Nutting would literally be crucified on top of the PNC home plate, then set on fire because the angry fans wouldn’t be able to wait long enough to watch him die from the crucifixion.

Like I said, the Rios release is at least a somewhat justifiable move on Toronto’s part, and the Pirates haven’t had to trade any contracts anywhere close to as unsavory as Rios’ deal, but still, it’s a sobering reminder to casual fans of how mayyybe the Pirates are doing the right thing by dealing for prospects and building from the ground up instead of overpaying their existing core and continuing to lose expensively.

Or at least, it should be. But until Nutting dishes out 4 years, $40 million for Jeff Suppan, he is the devil grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!