Jordan Staal Named Finalist For Selke, The “Best Animated Short” Of NHL Awards

Penguins.com:

Pavel Datsyuk of the Detroit Red Wings, Ryan Kesler of the Vancouver Canucks and Jordan Staal of the Pittsburgh Penguins are the three finalists for the 2009-10 Frank Selke Trophy, awarded “to the forward who best excels in the defensive aspects of the game,” the National Hockey League announced today.

The winner will be announced Wednesday, June 23, during the 2010 NHL Awards that will be broadcast live from the Pearl Concert Theater inside the Palms Hotel Las Vegas on VERSUS in the United States and on CBC in Canada.

Yay, the Selke Trophy! The most specific award in sports! It’s no NBA Sixth Man Award, but it’s still a tad more prestigious than the Lady Byng — if the Selke is the NHL’s “Best Animated Short” equivalent, the Byng is one of those technical Oscars issued at an earlier ceremony hosted by Brooke Shields.

I’m glad they save the Selke results until after the Playoffs, too; if they announced the winner this week, it’d just be too big of an adrenaline drop-off to go from learning the Selke Trophy winner back to watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

I Didn’t Realize Colorado Loved Dan Boyle This Much

I figured that Colorado was happy when Dan Boyle put the puck in his own net last night, but this sure seems a little premature:

Dude, the series is still going on! At least wait a few days after the goal before jumping on the Avs’ coaching staff.

We haven’t seen a personnel move this drastic since Patrick Stefan missed the empty net and was named GM of the Oilers one minute later.

FSN Really Pulled Out All The Stops For Their No-Hitter Graphic

FSN Producer: Oh crap, Ubaldo Jimenez is one out away from a no-hitter — QUICK, someone type the words “NO HITTER” into a graphic! What do you mean ‘it looks pathetic and underwhelming for the achievement?’ Then add an exclamation point! No – TWO exclamation points!

Whew – graphic made. Just in time:

GAME THREE – Penguins 4, Senators 2: Pens’ New “Give A Shit” Initiative Proves Effective

Heading into the playoffs, I proposed that the outcome of the Pens/Ottawa series would depend entirely on two simple yet excruciating questions -

Question #1: Will the Penguins resume giving a shit? And…

Question #2: Will Fleury play well? Not “not-retardedly”, I mean, actually “well”?

In Game One, Question 1 was a “kinda” and Question 2 was a resounding “Mother Of Everything Holy No”, and the result was an unsurprising-in-hindsight 5-4 Senators victory.

In Game Two, Question 2 began on shaky ground when Fleury let in a wrist shot from Carson Street .3 seconds into the game — but SHAME SHAME on you for questioning Fleury ever, you un-knowledgable peasants, even though he’s played crappy for most of the last four months and directly cost the Pens Game One – he won a Cup and is thus absolved from any wrongdoing until the end of time — but the Pens responded to Question 1 so forcefully, they essentially eliminated any further need for Question 2 by totally shutting down Ottawa offensively (except for one wide-open Jason Spezza chance from the slot, on which he missed the net). The Penguins won 2-1, outshooting Ottawa 31-20.

In Game Three, the Pens answered Question 1 with another resounding “Yes”, getting an early boost from a weak Alexei Ponikarovsky goal, and though Ottawa was again limited in terms of chances, Fleury played pretty well (the first Ottawa goal was on Brooks Orpik for leaving Mike Fisher alone in the nation of Canada, and the second goal was standardly “meh” on Fleury’s part, but the game was basically in hand by then). Penguins 4, Senators 2. Again, exactly the outcome you’d expect from those particular answers.

And so I again add, until the Pens play a team that’s better than them on paper — and really, that’s only Washington and a couple Western teams — their playoff fate will continue to be completely dictated by how convincingly they can answer these two questions. Two “Yes”es, and they win, two “No”s, and they lose, and if it’s one-and-one, it’s going into Overtime and can go either way (unless either the “Yes” or the “No” is followed by an exclamation point, in which case, it’ll probably tip the game in favor of that outcome).

There you have it. Hockey analysis just doesn’t get more in-depth than this. Also, Sidney Crosby’s pretty good.

After the jump, my thoughts on the Sutton non-suspension:

The Penguins’ Game One Loss Summed Up In One Image

Preparin’ To Be Wrong: NHL Playoff Edition

Eastern Conference:

1) Washington over 8 ) Montreal in 5.

7) Philadelphia over 2) New Jersey in 7.

3) Buffalo over 6) Boston in 5.

4) Pittsburgh over 5) Ottawa in 6.

I honestly can’t remember an NHL playoff year where it was this difficult to picture anyone but one team coming out of a particular conference, but I’d be stunned if the Capitals lose a Best of Seven series before the Cup Finals this year. The Pens, Devils, and Sabres all look exceedingly vulnerable at the moment, but the bottom half of the conference is even worse, making for a number of toss-up-ish series as teams stave off a likely inevitable loss to the Capitals.

The Canadiens seem particularly well-built for an early playoff exit with their combination of teeny forwards and middling offensive defensemen, though I can foresee Jaroslav Halak stealing a game and keeping them in a couple before they’re escorted out, lasting just long enough for me to get annoyed by their lame-ass “Ole ole ole!” chant.

The Sabres aren’t great defensively and rely more on Ryan Miller than most consistently successful upper-seeds depend on individual goaltenders, but Boston’s offense is absolutely toothless, and I’m unable to picture a Bruins upset even in the most devil’s advocate-ish of cases.

Devils/Flyers is a toss-up too, partly because Philly’s dominated the Devils recently, partly because Jersey’s been just as inconsistent as the Pens down the stretch even against bad teams, and partly because the Prudential Center will be half-full of Philly fans. People will assuredly point out the Flyers’ shortcomings in net, but Martin Brodeur’s never been a steal-a-series type goalie, especially later in his career, and his recent playoff exploits have been downright alarming. Goaltending is still an edge for Jersey, but not big enough of one to dissuade me from making this my obligatory first-round upset pick.

Which brings us to the Pens and Senators:

Chat With Fake Ed Bouchette: Big Ben Edition

Ben Roethlisberger won’t be facing criminal charges but still apologized to the Steelers and their fans yesterday for his conduct, and may be facing an uncertain future with the organization as well as a possible suspension from either the team or the league.

For more details on the situation, let’s make up a fake chat with notoriously chat-hating Post-Gazette Steelers beat writer, Ed Bouchette. Take it away, Fake Ed!

CrosbyRocket87: With Roethlisberger facing charges and Super Bowl hero Santonio gone, which players do you see stepping in and taking more of a leadership role this year? Polamalu? James Harrison?

Ed Bouchette: Roethlisberger is facing a civil lawsuit, not criminal charges.

5thRounderyouSERIOUS: If the Steelers were to trade Ben, what kind of draft picks could they expect in return?

Ed Bouchette: NFL Draft Picks.

BlacknGoalie29: Would Ben’s pricey long term deal possibly hurt his trade value for potential suitors, or in an uncapped year is that less of a concern?

Ed Bouchette: Hurt his value how, like give it a paper cut?

jeff: Hey Ed, love the chats. My question is, do you think the steelers might consider releasing ben and signing marc bulger a pittsburgh native then letting bulger, dixon, and batch battle it out in training camp? Then if they release one of the three or put one on the practice squad they can draft a quarterback this year – maybe a riskier, mid-major guy in the second or third round – without having to rush them in there with the weak offensive line (and could use their first pick on a lineman). What do you think?

Ed Bouchette: No.

OvechGayn8: The Steelers are deservedly taking a lot of flak for the back-to-back controversies over Holmes and Ben, but if two other teams in the NFL willingly trade for those guys, what does it say about them?

Ed Bouchette: It’s not going to somehow turn into a person and grow a mouth and “say” anything out loud because that would be impossible.

33FireArians: If the Steelers were to trade or release Ben, how much of his signing bonus would they still be on the hook for? Would picking up some of his salary be a negotiating point in possible trades?

Ed Bouchette: On what hook? The movie “Hook” with Robin Williams? You’re an idiot.

TigR H8R: With their top wide receiver suddenly shipped to the Jets and their quarterback possibly facing suspension or trade, how does this impact the Steelers’ draft strategy for 2010?

Ed Bouchette: Shut up.

Ed Bouchette: That’s all for today, thanks.

Steelers Trade Santonio Holmes To Jets, Adhering To Their Almost ZERO TOLERANCE Conduct Policy

The Steelers shipped Santionio Holmes to the Jets this week for a fifth-round-pick, a deal reportedly made in haste while the Steelers were considering cutting Holmes in the wake of his recent assault allegations.

Say what you will about the return in the deal, or about where this trade leaves the Steelers’ receiving corps, but the trade again re-iterates a clear, absolutely unwavering message:

The Pittsburgh Steelers will simply not tolerate off-the-field misconduct in any capacity, PERIOD.

No sir — if you’re repeatedly accused of criminal misconduct, regardless of whether criminal charges are filed or a verdict is issued, you have no place in the Pittsburgh Steelers’ organization. It doesn’t matter if you’re a former first round pick, or if you played a prominent role in a Super Bowl victory, or if you’re an impending free agent or under a lucrative long-term contract, or if you’re a black guy with dreads or, I don’t know, a 6’5″ white guy from Ohio.

Principles are principles, and Dan Rooney recognizes that dignity and morals far overshadow on-the-field accomplishments, and that if you consistently ignore the transgressions of your players — even your popular star players — in the pursuit of winning, then in a way you’ve already lost.

I personally applaud the Steelers for their decisive and extremely consistent conduct policy; their absolutely unwavering commitment to consistent moral standards for every single player — I cannot stress enough that these standards apply to every single player — is a shining example of consistent consistency for the entire National Football League, so much so that I’d even lobby for the team to change their name to the Pittsburgh Consistents, because their conduct policy is so overwhelmingly consistent, it’d be the only way to sufficiently and consistently celebrate that consistency.

Oh, That Ever-Optimistic Pirates.com Homepage…

Come on, Buccos! It’s never too late to rally!!!

Capitals 6, Penguins 3: In The Immortal Words Of John Tortorella, “Make A Fuckin’ Save”

Fleury let in everything. Pens’ power play couldn’t get a late goal. Ovechkin scored an extreme team-effort empty net goal with a billionth of a second left. Goligoski sucks. Fedotenko sucks. I could’ve written this recap yesterday.

Whatever — just end this inconsistent, half-assed shitshow, bring on the Senators, and either magically start caring in the playoffs or get knocked out so we can start enjoying the warm weather.