Elvis Has Left

How Much Is Tyler Kennedy Worth?

Dan Hopper — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 17:11:42 +0000

I wrote a piece for SB Nation Pittsburgh debating the value of Tyler Kennedy to the 2011-12 Penguins and beyond. The Synopsis: “Everybody Chill.”

http://pittsburgh.sbnation.com/pittsburgh-penguins/2011/6/28/2247738/penguins-tyler-kennedy-nhl-rumors

Kennedy Apparently Thrilled About Not Getting A Qualifying Offer

Dan Hopper — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 02:05:41 +0000

The Penguins declined to give Restricted Free Agent Tyler Kennedy a qualifying offer, apparently fearing arbitration.

Looks like he took the news pretty well:

Hehehehe…He Said “Hooking Up”

Dan Hopper — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 16:01:56 +0000

89% Of You Are Wrong

Dan Hopper — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 15:52:50 +0000

Flames Name Aptly-Named Feaster Permanent GM

Dan Hopper — Mon, 16 May 2011 22:46:45 +0000

I realize I’m twelve, but I can’t be the only person amused that Calgary’s GM is named Jay Feaster and he looks like this:

Calgary named Feaster, the former Tampa GM who was acting as the Flames’ interim GM, as their permanent General Manager after they determined he was the candidate most likely to eat Alex Tanguay and Olli Jokinen, thus solving numerous problems simultaneously and painlessly.

NEWS IN BR…F: Monday, May 16th, 2011

Dan Hopper — Mon, 16 May 2011 21:58:04 +0000

Crosby Still Unable To Work Out, Clean Room, Do Dishes

Fiesta Bowl Pays NCAA $1 Million In Small, Unmarked Bills

McLane Sells Astros, Quickly Calls “No Givebacks”

Source: Posada Unhappy With Yankees’ Unhappiness With Jeter’s “Posada Unhappy” Comments

Thrashers President: “We Will Explore All Options Of Roads Heading Out Of Atlanta”

Nice Of The Reporter To Replace The Term “Constantly Hyperblowing”

Dan Hopper — Thu, 12 May 2011 03:00:06 +0000

NEWS IN BR…F: Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Dan Hopper — Tue, 10 May 2011 20:17:58 +0000

World Cup Bribery Allegations “Completely False” Says FIFA Official’s Golden Robot Butler

Reggie Bush Causes Stir On Twitter With Too-Obvious “Osama Death Certificate” Joke

Haynesworth Physically Unable To Complete Sexual Abuse

LeBron Apologizes For “R-Word” Comment, Says He Meant To Use N-Word

Waivers Release Milton Bradley

Huge Twist: Modano Returning To Stars Tonight

Dan Hopper — Tue, 10 May 2011 19:24:20 +0000

They’ve since changed it, but for about 10 minutes, ESPN.com had this headline on their homepage:

Wow, Mike Modano’s returning to the Stars? Tonight?? Mid-playoffs??? Anything really can happen in the postseason.

To fill Modano’s roster spot, Gerard Gallant will be returning to the Red Wings.

Here Is Exactly What Will Happen In The Pirates / Astros Series

Dan Hopper — Fri, 06 May 2011 21:19:57 +0000

My friend Dave and I had a GChat conversation about the upcoming Pirates/Astros series, agreeing that it’s definitely going to be the annual “Pirates could take 2 of 3 here and get to .500″-seeming series that the Pirates will definitely, DEFINITELY blow.

Rather than summarize our soon-to-be-painfully-accurate points, I’ve just copied and pasted the GChat conversation in its entirety, because I am a hard worker:

Dave: we’ve got 3 home games against Houston
and there’s no reason not to think we could be .500 by next Monday
above .500 i meant

Me: letdown time?

Dave: YEP
letdown time
its a layup

Me: I think you’re right
Wandy Rodriguez / Bud Norris first two games
there’s 18 Ks

Dave: I could see that absolutely
both K guys

Me: then JA Happ who they should beat but something will fuck up
two lefties too, so might be some Brandon Wood 3B action
god, Wood or Pedro vs Wandy Rodriguez is like 99% chance of K either way

Dave: if things go as planned, they’ll drop the first, then win the second and Happ should be shoe-in for .500
and they’ll drop that one 5 – 1
haha ya it is man

Me: yes!
totally
and they’ll get a run off Happ in the first, leave two on base
then he’ll go six innings
and someone who I make fun of in the Houston lineup will have a three run double
like Geoff Blum or something

Dave: i mean its almost as easy as figuring out the plot to a romantic comedy
run off happ in the first is PERFECT
almost like a dude accidentally sneezing on the stranger woman he’s about to fall in love with in the standard rom com

Me: haha

Dave: as an added teaser to this bet, I’ll lay odds that it will be a ‘beautiful day for baseball’ on sunday
75 and sunny

Me: and a good PNC Park turnout

Dave: they’ll get a nice crowd
BOOM
same thought

Me: there is no doubt this is happening
save this convo

Dave: i’ll have my assistant log it

Me: PAM!
jot this down

Dave: “Got it… 1 – 1 split, lotta K’s, big crowd…. umm sorry was it supposed to be good weather on Sunday or a good crowd??”
“BOTH PAM, BOTH!!!”

Me: haha

Dave: i want my role to be played by ed asner