Saints 20, Steelers 10: Beloved Roethlisberger Falls To Hated City Of New Orleans

As far as Steeler losses go, losing to the Saints in New Orleans is about as digestible as they come; the Saints have struggled lately but they’re still the defending champs playing at home, plus it’s a non-conference game for the Steelers, and New Orleans is just about the least hateable fanbase in sports. I was still rooting for Pittsburgh, obviously, but if Roethlisberger had thrown a game-winning TD pass then ran around throwing Metal horns at the Superdome faithful, I’m positive my friends and I would’ve shared another awkward, unspoken “Why are we rooting for this A-hole again?” moment.

That’s not to say the manner of the Steelers’ loss wasn’t extremely frustrating. Between a failed First-and-Goal from the .000001 yard line, a terrible offensive pass interference call on Hines Ward that led to a missed 50-yard field goal, and the fourth fumble of Heath Miller’s career coming on the Saints’ 34, the Steelers left enough points on the field to sow a self-sustaining points farm. After the jump, let’s throw some blame around (or just hold onto the blame and take another sack):

Steelers 28, Browns 10: Let The Awkward Cheering Begin!

That plan worked perfectly, huh? Have Ben Roethlisberger sit out four games, allow the story of his offseason troubles to fade a bit, force Steeler fans to put up with four weeks of Dennis Dixon and Charlie Batch sailing deep balls, have Brett Favre get busted for sending pictures of his penis to Jets staffers and BAM! Bring Ben back to crush the Browns and have everyone cheer him. Roethlisberger Cakes for all! Yes, that link is Safe For Work.

Roethlisberger wasn’t perfect in this game (sidenote to game stories that mentioned he wasn’t perfect: Ben Roethlisberger isn’t perfect when he’s regular), but he threw for 257 yards and three TDs, the last of which occurred only so we have to say “three TDs” in our accounts of Roethlisberger’s return game instead of the more pedestrian-sounding “two.”

I will say though, the Browns seemed to be decently well-coached; their offensive play calling wasn’t overly predictable, their defensive schemes legitimately puzzled the Steelers at times, and their punt team was the greatest punt team that ever punt teammed, but the Browns just really noticeably lack talent all over the field, and the outcome of this game was never actually in doubt. And I say that as a typical “try to psyche myself out no matter how good the Steelers are looking so I don’t jinx it” homer fan. Even though the First Half score and total yardage were close, Pittsburgh controlled this game from start to finish.

The CBS announcing team provided my favorite “guy announcing the Steelers” cliche, introducing Aaron Smith as the “Very Underrated” Aaron Smith. Why does everyone always, always use the exact word “underrated” to compliment Aaron Smith? This has been going on in Pittsburgh papers, on national broadcasts, on highlight shows, and amongst Steeler fans for about six years now. At some point, isn’t he just “Really Good”?

My only criticism of the Steelers in this one was their overuse of Rashard Mendenhall after the game was already sealed up. I’m probably just being picky, but Mendenhall finished the game with 27 carries and touched the ball 10 times in the fourth quarter, while Isaac Redman only carried the ball 6 times all game. I’d like to see the Steelers give the ball to Redman some more late in games that they’re dominating to save Mendenhall a bit; even though 30 touches isn’t an absurdly high number for a #1 back, the Steelers can’t afford to have Mendenhall wear down as the season goes on, so spreading some carries around here and there when games are already decided seems like a no-brainer. FIRE BRUCE ARIANS ZOMG!!!!

The Steelers are currently 3 point favorites at Miami next week. Facing Colt McCoy and Chad Henne in back-to-back weeks? Brutal college schedule.

This Headline Doesn’t Sound Encouraging

“Status Quo?” Meaning, the amount of rape hasn’t changed?

Gotta be a little clearer with these headlines, Post-Gazette, cause it’s difficult not to immediately assume the worst. When it comes to the Roethlisberger situation, I think we’d all much rather be hearing about the “ultra-mega-super-NOT status quo.”

You Don’t Say…Like What?

Chat With Fake Ed Bouchette: Big Ben Edition

Ben Roethlisberger won’t be facing criminal charges but still apologized to the Steelers and their fans yesterday for his conduct, and may be facing an uncertain future with the organization as well as a possible suspension from either the team or the league.

For more details on the situation, let’s make up a fake chat with notoriously chat-hating Post-Gazette Steelers beat writer, Ed Bouchette. Take it away, Fake Ed!

CrosbyRocket87: With Roethlisberger facing charges and Super Bowl hero Santonio gone, which players do you see stepping in and taking more of a leadership role this year? Polamalu? James Harrison?

Ed Bouchette: Roethlisberger is facing a civil lawsuit, not criminal charges.

5thRounderyouSERIOUS: If the Steelers were to trade Ben, what kind of draft picks could they expect in return?

Ed Bouchette: NFL Draft Picks.

BlacknGoalie29: Would Ben’s pricey long term deal possibly hurt his trade value for potential suitors, or in an uncapped year is that less of a concern?

Ed Bouchette: Hurt his value how, like give it a paper cut?

jeff: Hey Ed, love the chats. My question is, do you think the steelers might consider releasing ben and signing marc bulger a pittsburgh native then letting bulger, dixon, and batch battle it out in training camp? Then if they release one of the three or put one on the practice squad they can draft a quarterback this year – maybe a riskier, mid-major guy in the second or third round – without having to rush them in there with the weak offensive line (and could use their first pick on a lineman). What do you think?

Ed Bouchette: No.

OvechGayn8: The Steelers are deservedly taking a lot of flak for the back-to-back controversies over Holmes and Ben, but if two other teams in the NFL willingly trade for those guys, what does it say about them?

Ed Bouchette: It’s not going to somehow turn into a person and grow a mouth and “say” anything out loud because that would be impossible.

33FireArians: If the Steelers were to trade or release Ben, how much of his signing bonus would they still be on the hook for? Would picking up some of his salary be a negotiating point in possible trades?

Ed Bouchette: On what hook? The movie “Hook” with Robin Williams? You’re an idiot.

TigR H8R: With their top wide receiver suddenly shipped to the Jets and their quarterback possibly facing suspension or trade, how does this impact the Steelers’ draft strategy for 2010?

Ed Bouchette: Shut up.

Ed Bouchette: That’s all for today, thanks.

Browns 13, Steelers 6: Our Sundays Just Got A Whole Lot Freer

There’s nothing quite like that final nail being driven into another nail as a precautionary extra-nail to make sure that even if the first nail in the coffin for the Steelers’ season somehow rusts and falls off, there’ll be another nail to ensure that the coffin will definitely remain shut, even though it’s six feet underground and has no way of opening back up anyway and also it can’t score a touchdown against the league’s worst-ranked defense and takes eight sacks and couldn’t look less like it cares about anything.

That metaphor became muddled a bit in the middle, but the basic thesis statement was the same as it’s been the past four weeks, that being “Wow is this team pathetic”. The Browns game was, in the words of one Myron Cope, “A dee-bacle! [And a complete waste of our mother-effing time!]“. I’m assuming he would’ve said the second part.

The Steelers scored six points against the Cleveland Browns. SIX. It’s the NFL equivalent of Bob Uecker’s “One goddamn hit?” Major League quote. SIX points is beyond worthless, unless you draw three little lines on the I and turn it into “SEX POINTS” and it’s a woman saying it and it turns out that I’m actually watching a football-themed porno and not a season-defining Steelers/Browns game, but that unfortunately was not the case here, as much as I attempted to take giant huffs of glue to make myself hallucinate into believing this every time Roethlisberger got sacked on third down.

The Steelers defense only gave up 13 points, but still, is this team capable of stopping an opponent on third and ANYTHING? If the other team was up against a 3rd and ????, like the question marks that people put on party invitations when they don’t know when it’s gonna end cause it might go on forever, some running back would take a two-yard pass, then every Steeler would literally have their hands wrapped through the dude’s bone and sinew and around his heart and still somehow not tackle him until he got far enough up the field for the refs to all agree “I don’t know what question mark stands for, but they definitely got it.”

It’s probably too late in the season to get back to the basics, but let’s take a quick moment to go over some very simple vocabulary for two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback Ben Roethlisberger:

My Confidence For This Browns Game Is Swelling

The homepage of Steelers.com right now:

Uh oh.

“Ready to step up” and do what, exactly? Get wide open once, have a ball thrown so directly to him that it literally sticks into his ribcage but he intentionally pulls it out of himself and drops it fast enough for it to not be counted a catch, and for Roethlisberger and Tomlin to again be reminded “Ohhhh yeaahhhh, that’s why we never do that…”

Raiders 27, Steelers 24: You Can’t Leave Bruce Gradkowski That Much Time, He’ll Carve You Up

There’s no easier, more infallible way to tell your team’s season is over than when you issue the following statement unironically:

“Crap, I think we scored to quick, we definitely left Bruce Gradkowski too much time.”

As soon as I uttered that sentence, a giant rift in the earth opened up and swallowed the Steelers and their slim playoff hopes along with it, leaving behind nothing on this terrestrial earth in the team’s place other than the refreshingly definitive notion that the Steelers will be drafting a corner in the first round this year.

I realize Troy Polamalu is out, but my God, could anyone have ever foreseen the defense playing this consistently terribly? I had absolutely no confidence that the team was gonna stop the Raiders on any of their three fourth-quarter touchdown drives, including the last one beginning from the 10 with 90 seconds remaining in the game and Oakland needing a touchdown. Last season, I would’ve been more confident that the Steelers would’ve caused a sack-fumble for a touchdown than for them to give up two consecutive first downs, let alone a 90-yard game-winning touchdown drive at home to Bruce Gradkowski and a bunch of receivers whose names had never been uttered before on this earth before their respective 50-yard game-breaking receptions.

The Raiders loss also featured some brand-new, never-before-seen Steeler mistakes that definitely don’t in any way remind us of their previous five losses this season:

Ravens 20, Steelers 17 (OT): Pittsburgh Loses Without Polamalu, Roethlisberger, Kemoeatu, Goligoski, And Kunitz

I again didn’t feel like writing about the Steeler game this week, partly because I was out of town, partly cause I found the outcome simultaneously inevitable and bland, but I guess if I’m writing a blog about Pittsburgh sports I can’t just pout any time the Steelers lose, so here’s a quick recap. Then I’ll resume sucking my thumb and sneaking back into my crawlspace. You bunch of meanies.

Against the Bengals and Chiefs, I honestly never even entertained the thought that the Steelers might end up losing the games until the final minutes of each; much of this was straight-up naive arrogance on my part, but also, the Steelers appeared to be in control of both games, and given their extensive history of pulling off “what were you worried about?” fourth-quarter go-ahead drives at will last season, I’ve just grown spoiled with the idea that the Steelers are just going to prevail no matter what, just as the bloodied, limping Bruce Willis is always going to have the last laugh in any Die Hard movie.

Unfortunately, the past three weeks have been a different kind of Die Hard movie: A really boring one with and irritating ending. This has nothing to do with Die Hard, I’m just pissed about the game and attempted to write something more colorful than just “I’m pissed,” but ended up just regressing back to literally writing “I’m pissed.” And I am pissed.

I joked before the Ravens game that because the Ravens hadn’t been pulling their standard B.S. Ravens luck this season — they’ve actually lost several games on highly unlucky missed field goals and some lame penalty calls — that they had to have been saving up for one giant helping of Ravens luck against the Steelers. And wouldn’t you know it, Ben Roethlisberger finds out at the eleventh hour he can’t play, Charlie Batch is out for 6 weeks, and Dennis Dixon is starting his first NFL game on the road in Baltimore, has only two days to prepare, and the Steelers are missing Troy Polamalu, Chris Kemoeatu, and of course Aaron Smith, and the 2 1/2 Ravens point spread took an unsurprising leap to 7 1/2.

Random thoughts:

Bengals 18, Steelers 12: How Bout That Pens / Bruins Game?

As if this game wasn’t frustrating enough, we can now brace ourselves for an aftermath of writers and commentators saying that Cincinnati’s record and their double-sweep of the Steelers and Ravens proves unequivocally that the Bengals are, in fact, the best team in the AFC North. Sure, their defense has played a lot better the last two weeks than I ever gave them credit for, and maybe it’s just my day-after bitterness talking, but does anyone honestly think that the Steelers wouldn’t beat this team in a head-to-head playoff game, even on the road? Provided Polamalu’s leg hasn’t been amputated by then, of course.

That being said, the Steelers simply did nothing to deserve this game. The defense played well but didn’t create any turnovers, and the offense, while not completely horrible, also didn’t make any big plays, couldn’t convert third downs, couldn’t do anything in the red zone, and just generally earned that stupid-looking “12″ on the scoreboard at game’s end.

Before I go into details of the Steelers’ ineptitude and make us all angry again, let’s rewatch Bill Guerin’s game-tying goal against Boston:

Woooooo!!!!! LET’S GO PENS!!! LET’S GO PENS!!!

What was I talking about? I forget. Probably not anything terrible that ruined my Sunday, I imagine. Yayyy hockeyyyyyy!!!

Guh…alright…some random Bengals thoughts after the jump: