Penguins Sign Paul Martin, Zbynek Michalek On First Day Of Free Agency, Will Have To Try Harder To Screw Up In Their Own Zone Next Year

Hey, it’s nice to have one Pittsburgh team that isn’t afraid of free agency, isn’t it? I say this with all due respect to the Duce Staley signing, of course.

The Pens massively solidified their defensive corps with a two-headed signing of the Devils’ Paul Martin for 5 years, $25 million, and Phoenix’s Zbynek Michalek, for 5 years, $20 million. The signings instantly fill the Pens’ most glaring, immediate need: Reliable defensive defensemen.

I really like these signings, and not just because it’s exciting when your team spends a lot of money on new dudes (though that too). Martin is a responsible defender from a notoriously structured organization, but he’s also extremely mobile, makes smart plays, can man a second power-play unit, and moves the puck extremely well. He’s coming off an injury-marred season, but it was a broken arm, which isn’t theoretically lingering, and he’s played in at least 70 games every prior season in his career, so I’m not worried.

Michalek, I’ll admit, I know almost nothing about except secondhand info; the Pens signing him instead of Hamhuis essentially boils down to them choosing a dude I barely know on a team I never watch instead of a different dude I barely know on a team I never watch. Michalek has a reputation as a shut-down, stay-at-home defender, which I don’t question, but I’m skeptical whenever anyone is described as a “great shot-blocker,” because all too often — as in the cases of Jay McKee, Jason Smith, and even Mark Eaton to an extent — guys are described as “shot-blockers” because they don’t have many other noticeable skills. In this instance, though, I’ll give Michalek the benefit of the doubt for his universally outstanding defensive reputation, and for the fact that he’s still only 27 and likely entering his prime as an NHL defenseman.

This gives the Pens tremendous depth at the blue line, with a 2010-11 defensive depth chart that looks something like this:

1. Orpik, 2. Martin, 3. Letang, 4. Michalek, 5. Goligoski, 6. Lovejoy, 7. Engellund, 8. Skoula-type veteran free agent

If Martin and Co. are healthy, that’s a potential Stanley Cup caliber defense. And, if Goligoski develops positively (and isn’t traded), the Pens could very conceivably boast 3 defensemen on the 2014 U.S. Olympic team, which isn’t particularly significant, but cool nonetheless.

The downside, of course, is that the Pens now have $9 mil of cap space locked in for the next five years towards two defensive defensemen (plus another $3.75 for Orpik), which leaves them precious little wiggle room to add a goal-scoring winger. They currently have about $2 mil of cap space remaining with their current roster, and that’s not taking into account the $1 mil or so Shero likes to set aside as a cushion for in-season dealings.

This begs the obvious question: How much would ‘hitting the net’ classes for Tyler Kennedy cost?

Sergei Gonchar Signs With Ottawa For Too Much Money, As Expected

Ottawa has signed Sergei Gonchar to a 3-year, $5.5 mil/year deal. Apparently, Ottawa has not seen this clip.

I’ve been up and down on Gonchar throughout his career, but this was obviously the right move for the Pens to let him go. He took a lot of flak his first year with the Pens for his poor play, and rightfully so, but his two-way play in the subsequent seasons after that led me to believe in retrospect that the Penguins were probably just a total mess that first year and it wasn’t Gonchar’s fault, when they randomly signed Gonchar, Ziggy Palffy, John LeClair and Jocelyn Thibault and threw them with Lemieux, Mark Recchi, and 18-year-old Crosby and asked Ed Olczyk — in his second year of coaching ever, at any level — to make it work somehow.

Gonchar regained his form as a top offensive defenseman in the league very quickly after that, but this past season — and perhaps not-coincidentally, ever since getting kneed by Ovechkin in the ’09 Playoffs — he’s proven to be a defensive liability slightly more often than is acceptable for a 24-minutes-a-game #1 defenseman, and while his offensive skill remains sharp as ever, and as pathetically as the Pens’ power play operated when he was out of the lineup last year, the Penguins cannot commit a three-year top-flight salary to a 36-year-old who’s already showed noticeable signs of decline.

Kris Letang and Alex Goligoski have a long way to go both offensively and defensively (people forget Letang scored precisely three goals last season, same as Mark Eaton), and handing the power play reigns over to them will be risky for a while, but not as risky as committing that much cap space to an aging player and ensuring that three of the Pens’ six defensemen possess limited defensive abilities.

Again, I’m sad to see Gonchar go, but I’m frankly surprised the Pens’ negotiations with Gonchar even lasted as long as they did, as the writing appeared to be on the wall for some time. I will miss his offensive contributions as badly as I’ll miss screaming his name sandwiched between two F-words.

Penguins Reward Letang’s Drop In Play With 4-Year, $14 Mil Extension

The Penguins today announced a 4-year extension for RFA-to-be Kris Letang worth $3.5 million per season.

In a semi-related story, this song was blasting on the loudspeaker at Southpointe while Sergei Gonchar was taking his rehab skate:

$3.5 mil isn’t cheap for a guy who’s noticeably played worse this season than last, a drop-off not quite as dramatic as Ryan Whitney’s a year ago but still concerning, and even though Letang is a right-handed offensive defenseman and still 22, he’s only scored 3 goals in 67 games this year despite ample power play time. He also would’ve been a restricted free agent at the end of this season, so teams wouldn’t have been able to sign him without giving up draft picks to the Pens, and I can’t imagine someone would’ve been falling over themselves to throw away first round picks to outbid the Pens for a 5’11″ defenseman after a down year. Well, besides Kevin Lowe.

Still, the Letang contract was necessary, if perhaps a tad expensive. (Continued After The Jump):

Penguins Complete Deadline Dealing By Acquiring 6th Round Pick For Playoff Run

Going into the trade deadline, I predicted the Pens would acquire a veteran defenseman, a winger, and a random Craig Adams-type depth pickup, so I thought one more Pens deal was on its way after the Ponikarovky acquision, and boy was I right:

The Maple Leafs and Penguins have completed their second trade in as many days as Toronto has sent a sixth round pick in the 2010 NHL Entry draft for defenceman Chris Peluso.

The 23-year old Peluso is playing at Bemidji State and was originally selected in the seventh round, 194th overall in the 2004 NHL Entry draft.

Dayyyuumnnnn!!! That Ray Shero, man, he’s becoming notorious for these deadline-day blockbusters.

To make room for the 6th round pick on the roster in the playoffs, the Pens are double-benching Jay McKee.

Penguins Trade Luca Caputi And Martin Skoula To Leafs For Alexei Ponikarovsky

TSN reports that the Penguins are close to acquiring Alexei Ponikarovsky from the Toronto Maple Leafs for winger Luca Caputi. The deal isn’t finalized yet, as the Pens need to clear salary to fit Ponikarovski under the cap, which could be achieved by dealing away a depth defenseman or sending Ruslan Fedotenko down to Wilkes-Barre like Miroslav Satan a year ago (or, as my brother texted, “Maybe McKee turns up dead?”)

Caputi is only 21 and has 23 goals for Wilkes-Barre this season, and Ponikarovsky is an unrestricted free agent at the end of the year, so it’s an unambiguous, old-fashioned deadline roll of the dice on Ray Shero’s part. Ponikarovsky is a 6’4″ winger with 19 goals and 22 assists this year in 61 games, scored 23 a year ago, and he’s somehow a +5 on the Maple Leafs despite their Conference-worst -46 goal differential (and he was a +6 last season). Maybe he’s some secret does-the-little things, physical, responsible dude? I can’t honestly say I really know much more about him other than him being one of the most talked-about names leading up to trade deadline next to Ray Whitney and Raffi Torres, and he’s clearly a better fit for the Pens than either of them.

According to the photo on TSN, I’m not really liking his size:

But for a full verdict, I’ll have to count how many F-words I yell when Crosby or Malkin set him up for one-timers before I can judge. I can’t imagine he’ll top Kunitz’s 35/Game.

UPDATE (9:58 pm): The Pens are including Martin Skoula in the deal after failing to convince the NHL that they’d get under the cap by releasing a dude named Cappo McSalaryson.

Stay tuned to Elvis Has Left, the only place on the internet for Trade Deadline updates.

Elvis Has Left’s Hopper: No Shit

Penguins Agree To Donate $2 Million To Elderly Bearded Man

In an act of admirable charity, Penguins GM Ray Shero announced that the team would donate two million dollars next year to a nice elderly bearded man.

“Mr. Guerin is just one of those old fellas you just love to have around,” Shero said. “Everyone treats him politely, he calls everyone ‘whipper-snapper’ and it’s kind of funny, the children love to tug on his beard and make wishes… so we just said, what the hey, we got a couple mil lyin’ around, let’s keep ‘em!”

Butserrrriouslyfolkzzz… Not a bad deal for the Pens. It gives them a right-handed shooter who can one-time the puck and theoretically finish, and despite turning 39 this coming November, he’s played 77, 81, and 78 games the past three regular seasons, so he’s reliably durable. The deal is for only one year and only $2 million (cheaper than Satan was this past season) which gives the Pens a known quantity who’s capable of playing responsibly on a top line at a price far cheaper than any other respectable UFA winger would’ve cost the team.

By contrast, the Devils signed Brian Rolston — who is only two and a half years younger than Guerin — to a four year, $20 million deal last offseason, and he finished with only 15 goals to Guerin’s 21. This doesn’t necessarily justify the Guerin deal so much as again raise the question, what the hell were the Devils thinking? They’re normally so annoyingly shrewd; the Rolston deal was their version of the straight-arrow nerd finally deciding to drink one night, doing way too many shots way too early, then blacking out at 8:30 face-down inside a beehive. But I digress.

Another one-year winger deal from Shero, eh? If you love one-year deals for wingers so much then why don’t you MARRY a one-year deal for a winger (for one year)??? High five.

Penguins Re-Sign Craig Adams To 2-Year Deal, Literally Win Cup Again

The Penguins literally won the Stanley Cup again today by re-signing fourth-line forward Craig Adams to a two-year deal.

Ray Shero was cautiously optimistic about the signing, proclaiming “With this move, we have literally just won the Stanley Cup again, which is awesome.”

The city of Pittsburgh has planned another Stanley Cup victory parade to honor the Adams signing, scheduled for Thursday, July 2nd. Five million people are definitely attending.

The Amusing GM Quotes Keep On Comin’

Two more quotes that made me laugh, the first from Ray Shero attempting to compliment Rob Scuderi:

“When I first got here and found out he had a one-way contract, I was like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ ” Shero said. “But he just kept improving. Now, I wish I had signed him for three years instead of two [after the '06-'07 season for a $1.425 million].” (P-G)

To be fair, “Are you kidding me?” was actually the least angry thing Shero said about any of the things he inherited from Craig Patrick; when he reviewed the Pens’ recent draft history, trade records, and Mellon Arena facilities, he unleashed sentences that included between sixty and seventy F-words apiece.

The next hilarious Free Agency Week GM quote comes from the Master of UFA week (or whatever the opposite of the word ‘Master’ is – ‘dumbass?’), The Rangers’ Glen Sather, ripping on Nik Antropov’s agent for demanding $5 million a year:

“There’s a snowball’s chance in hell that’s going to happen. It’s ridiculous. I hate to criticize an agent, but let’s have a little bit of reality here.” (NY Post)

Sather added, “I mean, who do I look like, current general manager of the New York Rangers Glen Sather? Gimmie a break.”

Shero Admits He Won’t Re-Sign Everyone, Keeps Coughing The Words MIROSLAV SATAN

Dave Molinari reports that Ray Shero won’t be looking to re-sign all the Pens’ free agents this offseason, but hasn’t officially named the team’s priorities.

Here’s Shero’s quote about the situation (brackets mine):

“There are a few guys who won’t be offered contracts,” he said, “but I haven’t spoken to [Miroslav Satan] yet.”

“I’m just in the process of talking to [everyone except Miroslav Satan's] agents,” he said. “It’s pretty premature at this point [except the Satan decision, which is a no-brainer]. I’m just touching base with [everyone but Satan's] agents and going from there [and by that I mean making sure that we are never in the same room as Satan, a pen, and a piece of paper this offseason, to ensure he doesn't throw the paper at us and claim that because it touched us it counts as an NHL contract].”