Penguins 3, Canadiens 2: What A Great Night For Pittsburgh Sports

The Penguins completely dominated Montreal last night, outshooting them by a brutal 41-21 margin, and this was on the road; with the Mellon Arena statkeepers, the final shots would’ve been tallied as A Googleplex Times Infinity Plus One – 0 (even Montreal’s goals wouldn’t have counted as shots).

Despite their dominance, the Pens still received an astonishingly lucky break when an insane inadvertant whistle in the final minutes of the third period waived off what should’ve been a third Montreal goal to tie the game. Replays showed that Fleury not only didn’t freeze the puck, but the puck barely even slowed down or was out of sight for any length of time, and Fleury even loudly and articulately yelled “OH NO I HAVE NOT FROZEN THE PUCK AND NOW IT IS LOOSE!” and the ref was standing three millimeters from the puck next to a neon sign that said “Puck: Three Millimeters That Way” with one of those strings of neon arrows that lights up in succession to a rhythm.

Needless to say, the Montreal fans — who boo everything that happens anyway, including the zambonis, the “Timeouts Remaining” space on the scoreboard, and gravity — booed the crap out of the call, justifiably. One fan even threw a shoe onto the ice, mistaking the ice for George W. Bush and now for a year ago.

Penguins 6, Canadiens 1: Pens Manage To Contain Team Of Easily-Containable Dudes

Montreal appears to be right on track for their annual low-seeded playoff finish, early playoff exit, and consequent coach pressure and firing in December of 2010. The Canadiens have been playing better defensively lately, at least as far as I can derive from tickerbar scores, but the Penguins absolutely manhandled them; Montreal appeared to be playing no discernible system, the supposedly red-hot Jaroslav Halak turned in a pedestrian performance, and the Canadiens’ Gomez-Gionta-Cammalleri “Legion of OK Dudes” combination was far from terror-inspiring.

In short, Montreal resembles a better-coached ’08-’09 Tampa Bay Lightning: a suddenly high-priced roster of more than 50% new guys all frantically trying to mesh together to resemble a complete hockey team. I imagine they’ll still make the playoffs, though, because unlike the Lightning, they’ll be motivated by the fact that if they miss the playoffs, the citizens of Montreal will hunt down and murder their families. But I don’t see them going anywhere after that.

Other bright spots:

- Free agent splash Mike Rupp matched his goal total from last season (3 in 72 games) just 12 games into the season.

- I laughed pretty hard in the First when Malkin slipped a saucer pass to Dupuis for a mini breakaway and Steigerwald excitedly announced “Here comes Dupuis all alone…saved by Halak.” You’re not allowed to excitedly raise your voice if the person with the scoring chance is Pascal Dupuis. It’s the same as the old Kip Miller rule.

- I find myself rooting extra hard against Montreal these days solely because they took on Scott Gomez’s contract and helped the Rangers, making them guilty of some “Accessory To Team I Hate” crime. Beating them by 5 goals while Nonfactor-ez  turned in a typical nonfactor performance was far sweeter than your standard Northeast Division win.

- Sidney Crosby is good.

NHL Free Agency Recap: The Canadiens Are Not Big Fans Of Money

– The Rangers sign Marian Gaborik to a 5-year, $37.5 million deal. Rather than settle with the Gomez albatross, the Rangers are taking a gamble on a contract with a chance to be an even bigger albatross, essentially inviting the oft-injured Gaborik a chance to kick back, hop on the injured bandwagon, and essentially retire. Healthy, he’s easily one of the league’s top 10 wingers, probably top 5, but that’s like saying that J.D. Salinger is a Top 5 writer whenever he actually decides to write.

Or maybe, the Rangers have a brilliant scheme in mind — when Gaborik gets hurt (tomorrow), they then trade for Dany Heatley, then keep Gaborik on injured reserve the entire season to free up cap space for Heatley, then in the playoffs, they bring back Gaborik when there’s no cap in effect and dominate. It might even be crazy enough to work, at least until Gaborik gets hurt on his third shift of the playoffs.

– The Canadiens sign Mike Cammalleri to a 5-year, $30 million deal, Brian Gionta to a 5-year $25 million deal, and Jaroslav Spacek to a 3-year, $11.5 million deal. Excepting an injured 63 game, 19 goal 2007-08, Cammalleri has scored 34 and 39 goals in his past two full seasons, and he’s still only 27; $6 mil is a dent to any cap, but the Canadiens have the money, and for an unrestricted 2-time 30 goal scorer who’ll only be 32 when the deal expires it’s not an unexpectedly egregious amount.

Five years at $5 mil per for the even tinier Gionta makes zero sense, though, particularly in conjunction with the Cammalleri deal. The Habs are gonna have $11 million of their cap for the next five years devoted to two Kiefer Sutherland-sized wingers? After adding the utterely overpriced, nonthreatening waste that is Scott Gomez? Maybe Cammalleri and Gionta are gonna stand on each others’ shoulders and wear one big long coat and entertain Jacques Martin? Who was Montreal bidding against for this contract?

Spacek is 35, and a 3-year-deal might be a bit unnecessary given the Canadiens’ multiple options for power play quarterbacks (especially with the addition of Hal Gill!), but he’s far from a liability, and what the hell, if you’re gonna spend, might as well spend — the Canadiens have the money. After taking on the Gomez contract, though, this team could’ve traded for Crosby in the offseason and I’d still be laughing at them.

Other deals around the league, and my something-resembling-almost analysis:

Montreal Canadiens Apparently Last People On Earth Who Still Think Scott Gomez Is Good

Rangers GM Glen Sather is whitewashing a fence.

Glen Sather: Dag nabbit. How’m I gon get ridduh this here Scott Gomez? I’d sure like me tah get some better hockey players but I ain’t never gonna fittem under my dag blastid salary cap!

Canadiens GM Bob Gainey walks by, whistling.

Bob Gainey: Ha ha, crazy ol’ Glen, you a bigger sucker than a leech on a camel! Did Aunt Polly stick you with Scott Gomez’s contract?

Glen Sather: No siree! I love me some Scott Gomez’s contract! Hoo-eee, 5 more years and $33 million left for a completely average forward who’s scored 13, 16, and 16 goals the past three seasons while earning upwards of $8 million, which is around what Crosby, Malkin, Ovechkin, Thornton, Zetterberg, Kovalchuk, and Iginla make! Goll-eee, it’s funner’n a family uh weasels in a barrel full o’ sarsparilla!

Bob Gainey: Wait…you sayin’ you LIKE havin’ Scott Gomez’s contract?

Glen Sather: Sher’ do! Havin’ Scott Gomez’s contract isssssuuhhhhhhh tttheeeebestttts!!!

Bob Gainey: Well gee whiz, Glenny…I’d sure like to try havin’ me some Scott Gomez’s contract, if it ain’t too much bother.

Glen Sather: Ain’t no way in kermuffins I’m-uh lettin’ you have mah Scotty Gomez contract. You’s best keep right on-a walkin’.

Bob Gainey: Awwwww come on, Glensy, I thoughts we was friends! Just lemmie try for a might two minutes!

Glen Sather: Maybe we cun’ work some’in out. What’s it to ya?

Bob Gainey: How bout productive winger Chris Higgins, who’s 4 years younger than Gomez and makes $6 million less, and an exchange of minor leaguers? Gosh I wanna try havin’ me some Scott Gomez contract really bad, Glenny, uh really doo!!!

Glen Sather: Wellllllll…. ok. You can have Scott Gomez’s contract. But just this once!!

Bob Gainey: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Six Months Pass.

Bob Gainey: Goll-eee, Glenny, those Montreal types sure did fire me good!