Jets 22, Steelers 17: New York Wins Battle Of Playing The Most OK

When you’re playing a comparable team, and you’re both playing comparably, and you give up a special teams touchdown and create zero turnovers, you’re pretty much going to lose. Roethlisberger played ok, not great or terrible, the offensive line played ok, not great or terrible, the Polamalu-less defense played ok, not great or terrible, the special teams played not ok, not great, but terrible, and the end result was an unsurprising close defeat.

Also, yes, the officiating in this game was again awful, with the refs missing a pretty obvious Pass Interference call on a potential Emmanuel Sanders game-winning touchdown, as well another weekly installment of NFL Personal Foul Wacky Flagz^TM. I’ve grown so completely numb to the prospects of arguing over the NFL’s new helmet-to-helmet mandate this season and the exhausting “Am I even seeing the same dimension of reality as these commentators?” questions contained within, I have no energy nor new insight to expend on this subject anymore. I also have no idea what anything means anymore — we are through the officiating looking glass, people.

Hopefully on this side of the looking glass, the Steelers just beat Carolina and Cleveland and snag the #2 seed anyway (if they cannot do this, they’ll have certainly earned a not-#2 seed), then get Polamalu and Heath Miller back for the Playoffs, because seriously, those human beings are good at football. Are the Steelers going to beat New England? Nope. Could they conceivably lose a home playoff game to Baltimore, The Jets, San Diego, Indy, or Kansas City? Except Kansas City, yep.

Basically, I think we’re all in Gravy-mode at this point, where we realize the Steelers are banged-up and are a major long shot to win the Super Bowl, despite having their #2 seeded destiny in their hands, but there’s so many other teams with similar question marks that we’re just for the Steelers to go out later than other teams we dislike more. Meaning, it’s an NFL season.

Saints 20, Steelers 10: Beloved Roethlisberger Falls To Hated City Of New Orleans

As far as Steeler losses go, losing to the Saints in New Orleans is about as digestible as they come; the Saints have struggled lately but they’re still the defending champs playing at home, plus it’s a non-conference game for the Steelers, and New Orleans is just about the least hateable fanbase in sports. I was still rooting for Pittsburgh, obviously, but if Roethlisberger had thrown a game-winning TD pass then ran around throwing Metal horns at the Superdome faithful, I’m positive my friends and I would’ve shared another awkward, unspoken “Why are we rooting for this A-hole again?” moment.

That’s not to say the manner of the Steelers’ loss wasn’t extremely frustrating. Between a failed First-and-Goal from the .000001 yard line, a terrible offensive pass interference call on Hines Ward that led to a missed 50-yard field goal, and the fourth fumble of Heath Miller’s career coming on the Saints’ 34, the Steelers left enough points on the field to sow a self-sustaining points farm. After the jump, let’s throw some blame around (or just hold onto the blame and take another sack):

Steelers 15, Falcons 9 (OT): Ben WHO? Oh, The Really Good QB Who Could’ve Helped Today. Never Mind.

Thoughts on the Steelers’ 15-9 Week One win over the Falcons:

- It’d be instinctual to declare that Dennis Dixon played “well enough not to lose,” but in reality, despite his respectable 18-26, 236 yds, 1 Int statline, he didn’t play all that great. Granted, no one was expecting him to will the team to victory singlehandedly, but he did throw two other balls that should’ve easily been intercepted by the Falcons, in addition to at least three balls in the first half thrown right into the ground towards open receivers that would’ve gone for first downs.

Looking at the result, obviously, we have to say that Dixon played well enough for the Steelers to win, because they did. But if Atlanta hangs on to one of those INTs, we’re very likely looking at a flip-flopped score and saying the exact opposite about Dixon’s performance. He played ok, and will need to play a lot better against Tennessee next week.

- Did anyone have any confidence that the Steelers would pull this one off after Jeff Reed missed that 40-yard field goal? First off, I never entertained the possibility he’d miss from 40 yards in that situation — I tried to pretend I was nervous, like how I try to convince myself I’m nervous on planes, not because I’m scared but just because I don’t want to be a smug, overconfident D-bag then have something actually go wrong — but then sure enough, there went the kick wide right.

So how’d the team pull off the W after going 60 touchdown-less minutes and missing a deflating game-ending field goal? At least for today, the Steelers’ D reverted from the Polamalu-and-Smith-less “play well at times” defense of ’09 back to the “who cares what the O and special teams do, we’re just gonna win this” D of yesteryear. The defense gave up some yards, as all defenses will against competent NFL offenses, but they shut down the Falcons’ run game, they allowed no big plays, they dominated when the Falcons crossed the 50, and they pulled out a turnover at the absolute most opportune time. As frustrating as it was to watch successful quick-outs to Roddy White landing in rapid succession, the Steelers’ D played about as well as we could’ve expected a defense to play under today’s circumstances.

- It’s not even worth pointing out any more that James Harrison gets held on every play. Typing that is no more informative than just copying and pasting facts about the sport of football. James Harrison gets held constantly. A regulation football field is 100 yards long. Fortunately, the Steelers get one “Actually Call Holding On The Guy Holding Harrison” Card per game, and they used it at the perfect time. The picture on the card is the Monopoly guy with his arm wrapped around James Harrison’s neck.

Punxsutawney Polamalu Sees His Shadow, Which Means Six More Weeks Of Mysterious Injury

Here’s a TruTV ad featuring a feral, Little Man-ized Troy Polamalu version of Punxsutawney Phil who sees his shadow, which means six more weeks of football!!! Plenty of time for the Steelers to mess up their draft position even more:

Raiders 27, Steelers 24: You Can’t Leave Bruce Gradkowski That Much Time, He’ll Carve You Up

There’s no easier, more infallible way to tell your team’s season is over than when you issue the following statement unironically:

“Crap, I think we scored to quick, we definitely left Bruce Gradkowski too much time.”

As soon as I uttered that sentence, a giant rift in the earth opened up and swallowed the Steelers and their slim playoff hopes along with it, leaving behind nothing on this terrestrial earth in the team’s place other than the refreshingly definitive notion that the Steelers will be drafting a corner in the first round this year.

I realize Troy Polamalu is out, but my God, could anyone have ever foreseen the defense playing this consistently terribly? I had absolutely no confidence that the team was gonna stop the Raiders on any of their three fourth-quarter touchdown drives, including the last one beginning from the 10 with 90 seconds remaining in the game and Oakland needing a touchdown. Last season, I would’ve been more confident that the Steelers would’ve caused a sack-fumble for a touchdown than for them to give up two consecutive first downs, let alone a 90-yard game-winning touchdown drive at home to Bruce Gradkowski and a bunch of receivers whose names had never been uttered before on this earth before their respective 50-yard game-breaking receptions.

The Raiders loss also featured some brand-new, never-before-seen Steeler mistakes that definitely don’t in any way remind us of their previous five losses this season:

Ravens 20, Steelers 17 (OT): Pittsburgh Loses Without Polamalu, Roethlisberger, Kemoeatu, Goligoski, And Kunitz

I again didn’t feel like writing about the Steeler game this week, partly because I was out of town, partly cause I found the outcome simultaneously inevitable and bland, but I guess if I’m writing a blog about Pittsburgh sports I can’t just pout any time the Steelers lose, so here’s a quick recap. Then I’ll resume sucking my thumb and sneaking back into my crawlspace. You bunch of meanies.

Against the Bengals and Chiefs, I honestly never even entertained the thought that the Steelers might end up losing the games until the final minutes of each; much of this was straight-up naive arrogance on my part, but also, the Steelers appeared to be in control of both games, and given their extensive history of pulling off “what were you worried about?” fourth-quarter go-ahead drives at will last season, I’ve just grown spoiled with the idea that the Steelers are just going to prevail no matter what, just as the bloodied, limping Bruce Willis is always going to have the last laugh in any Die Hard movie.

Unfortunately, the past three weeks have been a different kind of Die Hard movie: A really boring one with and irritating ending. This has nothing to do with Die Hard, I’m just pissed about the game and attempted to write something more colorful than just “I’m pissed,” but ended up just regressing back to literally writing “I’m pissed.” And I am pissed.

I joked before the Ravens game that because the Ravens hadn’t been pulling their standard B.S. Ravens luck this season — they’ve actually lost several games on highly unlucky missed field goals and some lame penalty calls — that they had to have been saving up for one giant helping of Ravens luck against the Steelers. And wouldn’t you know it, Ben Roethlisberger finds out at the eleventh hour he can’t play, Charlie Batch is out for 6 weeks, and Dennis Dixon is starting his first NFL game on the road in Baltimore, has only two days to prepare, and the Steelers are missing Troy Polamalu, Chris Kemoeatu, and of course Aaron Smith, and the 2 1/2 Ravens point spread took an unsurprising leap to 7 1/2.

Random thoughts:

Bengals 18, Steelers 12: How Bout That Pens / Bruins Game?

As if this game wasn’t frustrating enough, we can now brace ourselves for an aftermath of writers and commentators saying that Cincinnati’s record and their double-sweep of the Steelers and Ravens proves unequivocally that the Bengals are, in fact, the best team in the AFC North. Sure, their defense has played a lot better the last two weeks than I ever gave them credit for, and maybe it’s just my day-after bitterness talking, but does anyone honestly think that the Steelers wouldn’t beat this team in a head-to-head playoff game, even on the road? Provided Polamalu’s leg hasn’t been amputated by then, of course.

That being said, the Steelers simply did nothing to deserve this game. The defense played well but didn’t create any turnovers, and the offense, while not completely horrible, also didn’t make any big plays, couldn’t convert third downs, couldn’t do anything in the red zone, and just generally earned that stupid-looking “12″ on the scoreboard at game’s end.

Before I go into details of the Steelers’ ineptitude and make us all angry again, let’s rewatch Bill Guerin’s game-tying goal against Boston:

Woooooo!!!!! LET’S GO PENS!!! LET’S GO PENS!!!

What was I talking about? I forget. Probably not anything terrible that ruined my Sunday, I imagine. Yayyy hockeyyyyyy!!!

Guh…alright…some random Bengals thoughts after the jump:

Bengals 23, Steelers 20: I Need A Vacation

There’s nothing quite so uniquely demoralizing as going to a bar with friends to watch a game, eating a bunch of food, drinking beers, and then losing that game to a mediocre team in the final seconds despite a dominant first half and an eleven-point lead in the fourth quarter (and roughly 57,829 missed chances). It’s like going to a three-hour movie and only realizing in the last fifteen seconds that the movie is terrible and you’ve wasted your afternoon.

You also begin to regret the beers and the fish n’ chips platter and the fried pickles, as they’ve retroactively transformed from celebratory group-engorging to just a bunch of fatty, heavy crap you piled into your stomach while your team lost stupidly. Then you get home, it’s 7:30, and you realize you’ve spent your Sunday devoted to something that merely pissed you off.

Why is this acceptable in sports and in no other walks of life? I’d never devote three hours to watching a CSI: Miami DVD then walk away going “Dammit, why did that have to happen? There goes my whole day. I’m gonna be angry through to Wednesday now.”

Fortunately, this Thursday, I’m going to Europe for two weeks. Not because of this game. Well, partly because of this game. But only like 30% because of this game. Needless to say, my initial reservation about the timing of my trip — “Damn, I’m gonna miss two Steeler games, two Penn State games, some MLB playoffs and the start of hockey season” — has transformed into “Yay, I don’t have to watch this crap for two weeks!”

I’m not sure the game requires much analysis, so here are some whiny complaints:

WEEK 2: Bears 17, Steelers 14

Didn’t have much motivation to write about this game yesterday, not because of crippling depression or anything, but more just out of general ambivalence towards the outcome. The Steelers didn’t play terribly, but they certainly didn’t play well, and when you miss two makeable field goals and produce no turnovers, you’re going to lose a lot of football games. I have just been awarded a Pulitzer in Groundbreaking Not-Obvious Journalism for my previous sentence. I’d like to thank you all for your support, I couldn’t have won that thing I just made up without you.

Random Thoughts:

– Me after the game last week: “Wow, could you imagine a full season of Santonio Holmes playing like he did in the playoffs??”

Me after the game this week: “Never mind.”

– Is there anything more infuriating than watching the opposing coaches celebrate after your team missed a damn field goal? They’re literally just celebrating a random occurrence that reflects no accomplishment on the part of them or any of their players.

– Of course, I was celebrating Tennessee’s missed field goals last week, but when it happens the other way around, you suddenly realize how frickin’ stupid cheering for a missed field goal is. It’s like cheering another team’s delay of game penalty.

WEEK 1: Steelers 13, Titans 10 (OT)

Sorry for the slightly late Recap, devoted readers (Dad), but I was too busy following the Steelers’ slight, underwhelming victory by slightly, underwhelmingly celebrating (had two PBRs then went to sleep – I feel that was sufficient for this one).

I couldn’t get over how amazingly similar this win was to every other frickin’ Steeler win last season:

- Completely nonexistant running game.

- Roethlisberger miraculously avoids sack only to get sacked humorously farther back.

- Roethlisberger throws an interception so randomly and unexpectedly, you don’t even get angry cause it seems like it didn’t really happen.

- Troy Polamalu is good. At least, until the Cobra Kai Sensei instructs Fatty McCrumpler to fall on his knee and injure him.

- The defense gives up first downs but somehow keeps not allowing points, and the passing offense gets its crap together in time to narrowly win. The offense is again “clutch.”

A win is a win (am I the first person to ever write that? Definitely) and an early season win against a quality Tennessee team is certainly nothing to get discouraged about, even if the running game looked like porn for gangtacklers; if the Steelers can just keep their obvious flaws to exactly overlapping last year’s obvious flaws, maybe they can win the damn Super Bowl again. Does that count as a line of reasoning? Eh, why the hell not.

Still, the game was full of legitimate positives: