Checklist Of Things Yelled At Me While Wearing My Blue Malkin Jersey To Game 4 In Philly

I attended last night’s Pens/Flyers Game 4 in Philly wearing my slightly conspicuous blue Malkin jersey, and to my incredible astonishment, the fans in Philadelphia did not treat my presence with gracious, accepting silence, or by not literally punching me multiple times. Here’s a quick rundown of the the things said (and done) to me over the course of the evening, and the approximate number of times each one occurred:

Walking to the Stadium:

– 25 “Penguins SUUUUCK!!!”

– 12 “FAAAAG!”

– 4 “That thing better not say Crosby!”

– 3 “Crosby SUCKS!!!” [despite visible #71]

– 3 “Go back to Pittsburgh!”

– 2 “That’s right, you cover that shit up with your jacket!” [because I was wearing a jacket to cover up my jersey, not just, you know, to have a jacket on]

In The Bathroom:

– “I hope you’re sittin’ in the 100 Section where they’re civilized or you’re in big trouble…”

– “Gonna be a long night, Malkin!” [He was right]

– “Powder blue, are you kidding me??” [It’s sure no bright orange with taped-on pee-wee looking nameplates]

In My Seat:

– Another 12 “FAG!!!”s

– Person carrying garbage up the aisle ‘accidentally’ drops used napkins into my lap.

– Twice, separate children carrying plush penguins hanging in effigy hang the penguin in my face for ten seconds while I’m sitting.

– COUNTLESS ref booing, ref complaints after plays, booing for calls, booing for non-calls, and talks about refs being biased for Crosby, even though Crosby wasn’t involved in any of the penalty calls, the Flyers ended up with 8 power plays, and if Crosby EVER dove like Mike Knuble dove on the Hal Gill BS interference call, the city of Philly would still be booing so hard, they’d eventually erect a flaming statue of the word “BOO” on top of the Wachovia Center.

Third Period:

– More “FAG”s, though my mind had more or less drowned the word out by this point.

– “Hey Malkin, just wondering – what does dick taste like?” [My Answer: “Like the second round of the playoffs”]

– Right after the Flyers’ first goal, six middle fingers were in my face literally within seconds, making me wonder just how long they’d been cocked and ready to go (people were really that pre-occupied with my location?)

– 2 fake high-fives in my direction [though they came after the middle fingers, so it was kind of a step in reverse insult-wise]

After the Empty Netter:

– A dude exiting up the aisle punched me right in the stomach. Yep – punched. Not dangerously or with an intent to injure, but definitely not jokingly either, just a regular, straight-up, punch to the center of my Penguin-logoed gut. Though in his defense, I was clapping loudly and yelling “Two years in a row!!!” so I probably deserved to be literally punched in the gut by a stranger.

– Another dude exiting up the aisle punched me in the arm. Much lighter than the first one, but I think his arm was tired from finger-giving.

– 2 separate “Do not say ONE WORD”s with gesturing.

– “Where’s someone from Pittsburgh? Show me someone from Pittsburgh.” [Not directed at me, but nearby]

So, in short, it was a pretty awesome night. And in defense of the home fans, after the game two Flyer dudes sitting near me both said something to the effect of “Did that guy just hit you? I’m sorry man, that’s totally uncalled for,” which counted for some redemption. I also have to admit, the tv timeout with 5:30 left in the third was the absolute loudest I have ever heard a building, ever, in any sport — I’ve never been to a postseason NFL game, but Wachovia unquestionably topped even the loudest Pens’ home playoff games, Steeler games, or college games I’ve ever attended, and it was legitimately impressive. Although in terms of taunting, my favorite insult still came at MSG one year ago, when the Pens were celebrating a goal against the Rangers and a fan yelled at me “Look how happy they are – they’re the only five guys in Pittsburgh with jobs!”

As for the game itself, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that I don’t expect Fleury to make 45 ridiculous saves every single night for the remainder of the playoffs; I’m just not sure how far I see the Pens going with their newfound strategy of complete defensive zone retardation and power play that continues to prove you wrong for believing it can’t possibly get worse. Though, hey, it worked in this round.

I just hope they can regroup Thursday and finish this thing off as soon as possible, so we can BREAK OUT THE DICKS! WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!


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58 Responses to “Checklist Of Things Yelled At Me While Wearing My Blue Malkin Jersey To Game 4 In Philly”

  1. Erik Says:

    I attended game 3 in MY powder blue Malkin.

    39 Crosby sucks Malkin’s dick
    23 Malkin sucks Crosby’s dick
    1 Crosby wears a skirt (from a man wearing a orange wig AND a hairnet)
    2 fake high fives
    1 “fake” trip
    1 Go back to Pittsburgh (from an usher)
    34 You’re a pussy

  2. _megankish__ Says:

    I have to say, my favorite part of this post would have to be this very line:

    “Hey Malkin, just wondering – what does dick taste like?” [My Answer: “Like the second round of the playoffs”]

    LIKE THE SECOND ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS! ahahhahhaha! Perfect response. LOVE.IT.

    GO PENS!

  3. MarkECib Says:

    This was one of the funniest posts I read today. I can’t believe you got punched. For a group of fans that says Crosby is a cryer, I say, Pot. Kettle. Black. All they do is whine whine and whine some more. If your team wasn’t full of goons then maybe you won’t get so many penalties.

    • Goon Says:

      Full of what Goons? The Goons are Orpik and Talbot and Kunitz, a bunch of punks who like to hit but whine like little women when they get hit.

      Did you see Orpik take a cheap shot at Richards when Richards leveled him with a clean hit? Did you see Kunitz cross-check Richards when Richards stood up Crosby and Malkin and dropped them both cleanly? Then Kunitz held on to Richie for dear life ’cause he was scared Richie was gonna smoke him. Did you see Madeline Talbot cry like a little wuss at the end of the game, whining at Biron and the refs?

      Stop with the BS. We have no goons. Crosby had more penalties than anyone tonite — the little whiny ass baby.

      See you in Philly on Saturday, and you better hope you’re not there, or someone might tune your sorry butt up like your friend who got jacked up the other night.

  4. pgbruiser Says:

    I have been thoroughly entertained by this post. Funny as hell. Go Pens

  5. Frank Says:

    First time to this blog. Big fan already. It’s about time for a really well-written Pittsburgh sports blog.

  6. Malkin71 Says:

    I would have punched you too. You sound like a smart ass here, probably running your mouth there too.

  7. John Says:

    Awwww the poor penguins fan whining those meany philly fans. boo hoo

  8. Matt Y Says:

    It took me 20 mins to read thru the tears of laughter. Typical Philly fans! GO PENS!!!!

  9. 25superstar Says:

    wow. how classless are philly fans? hahaha.

    “like the second round of the playoffs”
    Boom. Roasted.

  10. Chemmy Says:

    I wore my Leafs jersey to a game in Philly last year and a 40 year old man who couldn’t walk without a cane tried to start a fight with me while I was watching the game.

    Security tossed him thank god, I didn’t know what I’d do. Do you let a cripple beat you with his cane for a while? That seems unpleasant. Do you push a guy who can’t walk over and get beaten up by the entire arena?

    Multiple grown men insulted my girlfriend who was wearing her jersey too, but didn’t say a word to me. Way to go tough guys.

    On one hand I feel like I should be able to go watch my team when they play in Philly and fuck the haters, but on the other hand I’d rather not support their team by giving them cash even at the expense of seeing my favorite team.

  11. Todd Says:

    Class act all the way. I read the whole post and was glad you didn’t start ripping on the fans or Philadelphia.

    I think you are well aware that the Wachovia Center for Flyers games is everything Citizens Bank Park is NOT (in that security is rather lax at the Flyers games where as at CBP they are on high alert to make it a family friendly atmosphere)…unless of course the fans start shooting stink bombs on the ice, at which point security finally gets involved.

    I’m not going to say you deserved to get hit, but when you are dealing with sports-passionate cities like Philadelphia, New York, Boston, etc. it is best to leave your jerseys at home and keep your celebrations subdued if you are a fan of the opposing team in the home team’s building.

  12. Bill Says:

    My opinion? The Pens power play will improve if they would just put Crosby on the half wall and Malkin down low. With Malkin on the halfwall and Crosby down low, the power play looks terrible.

  13. PC Says:

    Major props, way to go standing up for your Pens. (This is coming from a Caps fan). My poor Caps.

    I guess we can all agree that Flyers suck.

    • Zach Says:

      Hey dickhead caps fan….who beat you in the first round last year? oh yea the FLYERS so suck it

      • Justin Says:

        your talkin last year homo! I hate the caps, and really dont care for the sissy ovechin, but he is way cooler yhen that ugly ass red headed curly mullet fag hartnell!!!! I think I like avery, and graves better. Do people in philly like him he sux ass. I hope he don’t ever have kids we got the only ugly red mullet homo hartnell in the world dont need any more ugly homo hartnells! by the way I didnt CAP. there last names cause they dont deserve it!

      • Clint Says:

        Funny how you people complain about how ignorant and unoriginal we Flyer fans are. Then this Justin character underneath my post shows a good western Pennsylvania education/attitude.

        It is a game in a rival’s arena. Are we surprised? Really? IF you want to go to a game wearing the opposing team’s jersey go ahead. I always think that is really balsy and more power to you. But don’t come back and whine about how terrible it was. That is really weak. You’re lucky you didn’t get punched in the face.

        As a flyer’s fan I’ve been to the Rangers, the Pens and the Lightning’s (they dont really count though) arena wearing the orange and black. Received the constant verbal abuse at all of them and it got physical in New York and Pittsburgh. Maybe it’s because I was raised in that “no-class, vulgar” environment but i always thought that was part of the package when you venture in to enemy territory.

        Respect for going in that jersey, lost respect for crying about it on here and gained again for admitting it was a crazy/loud experience.

        I’ll give it right back by saying when i went to the Pen’s game I could not believe how loud it was in there. And maybe the grass is always greener but I loved that compact, intimate feel in Mellon Arena. It was the sweetest arena I’ve been to.

  14. Chemmy Says:

    “I’m not going to say you deserved to get hit, but when you are dealing with sports-passionate cities like Philadelphia, New York, Boston, etc. it is best to leave your jerseys at home and keep your celebrations subdued if you are a fan of the opposing team in the home team’s building.”

    Two people PUNCHED HIM for wearing a shirt. Sorry bro but that’s not “sports-passionate” that’s a building full of morons.

    You wouldn’t get punched for wearing a Leafs jersey in Montreal or vice versa and I dare you to say Philly cares more about hockey than either of those cities.

    • crecke Says:

      “Two people PUNCHED HIM for wearing a shirt. Sorry bro but that’s not “sports-passionate” that’s a building full of morons.”

      How does two people constitute a whole building? Just a question?

  15. LeMeewBoy Says:

    You really are a fag if you think you can go to any stadium in professional sports wearing the opposing team’s jersey and not catch some crap. Rangers fans are just as bad, if not worse. So quit bitching and enjoy the second round you pussyassed queer fuck.

  16. Nick Says:

    As a Flyers fan, I am sorry you got punched, but that comeback from the “Hows does dick taste like”, I was laughing my ass off. At least you were not wearing a Crosby jersey. Good luck in Game 5 tonight. May the best team win….if the refs dont fuck it up.

  17. Todd Says:

    Well played sir – kudos. the second round was quite nice, i just hope it was a quick response. thanks for none of the “all philly fans are a-holes” stuff that usually pops up. we’re not all that way…just most of us :/

    I feel the pain of the two people who gave u the “not one word” looks. marc-andre was AMAZING. my roommate is a pens fan and i would look at him and say “im not even mad” cuz it was stellar goal keeping.

    cmon guys, we’re not full of goons. we have 3…and ones not even dressing. carcillo and asham are the only fighters. and they’re so small…put em together and we have one good fighter. sure lets hear it about hartnell, but the guy puts pucks in the net. End of discussion, granted, his play in game one was sub-par at best. anyway, nice post, go flyers

  18. MPL Says:

    I sported a red mo-hawk and a red Backstrom jersey to Game 3 of last year’s WSH/PHI series. The insults started as I stepped out of the car in the parking lot. I refused to use the bathroom, but still got an ‘accidental’ beer spill and had a couple spare chicken fingers fly my way. We were greeted with the **shole chant as we entered our section, and as we left.

  19. eyebleaf Says:

    Stay classy, Philadelphia.

  20. Wayne Frazer Says:

    Well done, man. I’m originally from St. Louis and I once saw I guy set another guy’s hair on fire because he was wearing a Blackhawks jersey. And we’re supposed to be pretty nice people.

    Hey, LeMeewBoy, does your mom know you’re typing those nasty words in her basement?

    • John Says:

      hey wayne,
      does your mom know that your downloading porn in her basement in between writing on pens forums?

  21. Riznick24 Says:

    Stay classy Philadelphia, HILARIOUS….. CMON they threw snow balls at Santa Clause…. Maybe next they will build a statue of a fictional movie character!

  22. Bobbo Says:

    Every time I walk out of the Flyers Arena I feel as if I lost about 5-10 IQ points. In Philadelphia slang..”der I be not so as smrt.” The best advice I can give Pens fans is to act mentally challenged when Flyers fans start talking trash on you personally…think of “The Ringer”. Yea it crosses the line, but you really have to dumb yourself down when entering that building. And if you pull it off just right you can catch some of their fans with that puzzled sideways puppy look when they’re just not sure what to do. After all they are making fun of a mentally challenged Penguins fan. lol

  23. RIPKalas Says:

    The best hockey blog I’ve read in a long.. Keep the faith.. Those fans can gag on Gonchar’s gonads!

  24. An old Flyer fan story « The Cranford Pundit. Says:

    […] April 23, 2009 An old Flyer fan story Posted by Cranford Pundit under Blog Tout No Comments  This article about a Pens fan at a recent Philadelphia Flyers game made me laugh. […]

  25. Oz Says:

    Wow, some of the funniest stuff I’ve read in a while. The second round of the playoffs comment is priceless.

  26. Jack Says:

    That’s funny. Pretty tame for a playoff game. During the regular season a friend of mine was hit with a beer bottle at a Canucks game while wearing a Flames jersey.

    Penguins are going to round two though, Flyers are just delaying the inevitable.

  27. Caps Fan Says:

    The information in this posting has been made available for your personal use and is provided without any express or implied warranty. Actual use of any of these answers in the Wachovia Center could result in personal injury.

    Q: just wondering – what does dick taste like?

    Sorry I dont swing that way but maybe the guy next to you will give you a taste.

    Like kissing you on the lips ?

    Like a cheese steak – that’s why they are so popular here

    When you get home tonight kiss your wife as soon as you walk in the door.

    The only thing in here that sucks is the flyers!

    It’s OK to be curious – I’m sure its nothing! (not that there is anything wrong with that)

    Tell your boyfriend your tired of pitching and its your turn to catch.

  28. Top Posts « Says:

    […] Checklist Of Things Yelled At Me While Wearing My Blue Malkin Jersey To Game 4 In Philly I attended last night’s Pens/Flyers Game 4 in Philly wearing my slightly conspicuous blue Malkin jersey, and to […] […]

  29. Canefan Says:

    Pittsburgh fans complaining about a lack of class – this is hilarious!

    I live in NC and aside from Ohio State, Steeler fans are the most in your face, ‘WE’ bunch of jock sniffers in the world!. Holy crap! They’re the first to start a bar fight for getting Indy fan’s face after a sack or TD.

    I admire the passion, but a 40 year old’s outfit needs to consist of more than 3 big ben shirts, 2 Super bowl shirts and a one for the other thumb(I think you should fill the other fingers first) shirt. Trust me – no one really gives a crap outside of Pittsburgh once the season is over. Buy some Pirates gear and show that you’re well rounded.

    Again – props for winning – can’t bash the success, just the faded t-shirts.

    As an aside – Philly fan is still the most obnoxious. When the Panthers won the NFC championship in Philly, our mayor was pelted with stuff and he was in a box!

    This could be the Pens year!

  30. Muyiwa Says:

    As a Flyers fan, I gotta say I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article. Sounds about par for the course at the Wachovia Center lol

  31. Jon Says:

    you’ve gotta be kidding me man. You are really stupid enough to post this stuff?? All of the above happen at Mellon Arena too when someone where’s a Flyers jersey. This is sports, fans are rude, inconsiderate, and completely unintelligent everywhere, not just in Philadelphia. Believe it or not, the Penguins aren’t the only team in the NHL and they don’t deserve more respect than other teams. Get out of your little Penguins bubble and realize the ignorance of what you’re writing on here. Wear a Flyers jersey to the next game in Pittsburgh and you’ll see what I’m talking about. This all just strengthens my point that hockey fans are the least intelligent of all sports fans…

  32. Dildo Head Says:

    I am pretty sure the Pittsburgh fans were serving tea and crimpets and having intellectual conversatations with the Flyers fans at tonight’s game.

    Fucking hippocrit.

  33. Maybe The Best Post Season In Many Years « LOGE19.COM Says:

    […] think the two places I would not visit with an opposing team’s jersey is Philly and New York. Here is a breakdown of doing just […]

  34. Kenny Says:

    Hey Jack I believe it would happen but they don’t sell bottles at G.M. Place just for that reason. Maybe he got hit with a water bottle. Ive been punched by a old lady wearing my Flames jersey at a Canucks Game and I was the one who got kicked out. Was escorted out to half of GM place cheering.It was great

  35. Ronnybrook Says:

    The first rule of self-defense is not to put yourself in the situation in the first place.

    I’d be curious to see how well heeled Pittsburgh fans would be if I wore a Hartnell jersey to game 7 and conducted the same experiment. Testing one half without the other isn’t sound science, my friend.

    Well, maybe in the Bush administration…

  36. Cool Hand Lupe Says:

    Just be happy they didn’t throw batteries at you.

  37. weak Says:

    didnt you guys average almost half of an arena back in 2004?

  38. Another Philadelphia Tale | Pens Blog Says:

    […] is a great story as told by Dan Hopper of “Elvis Has Left” make sure you check out the rest of the site – great […]

  39. Crosby fucks the grip outta Malkin's anus Says:

    GO FLYERS!!!

  40. How gay is Todd? Says:

    Just look at todd’s post above. Homo

  41. jocko jackamone Says:

    funny the way the Penguin fruits coward away from us Flyer fans. They were scared to death. I thought Pitt was a tough city. LOL. Wusses

  42. ChicagoismynewBlog Says:

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  43. Your Mom Says:


  44. STFU Says:

    Wow. Such a pussy. i was at a Flyers game where they ripped a guys jersey off him and this was after they proceeded to pour their beers on him. you are bitchin about some name calling and a couple punches? then don’t wear the fuckin jersey. or maybe if you have some pride in your fuckin team you will wear it and take the punches for them. dumbass

  45. Danielle Says:

    Wow. If only the Flyers fans were as gracious as their players after defeat.

    I can’t get over how the worst insult they come up with is that the star Penguin players are gay. I have no reason to think Sid and Geno are gay, but even if they were it wouldn’t change the fact that they are two of the greatest players playing today and the Pens move on to round two.

    I have no problem with badmouthing opposing teams players……….when it is done with more imagination and creativity than the insults I heard boys hurl when I was in the 3rd grade. GROW UP SOME OF YOU.

  46. Danielle Says:

    Damn I forgot.

    I have to say THANK YOU for such an awesome blog. I laughed my fat Pittsburgh ass of while reading it at work. Dick tastes like round two is going to be my new catch phrase!!

    Really funny and well written.

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