Brewers 1, Pirates 0 — We Better Hurry If We Wanna Throw That .500 Party

The Milwaukee Brewers completed their three-game sweep of the Buccos this afternoon with a 1-0 victory in which Yovani Gallardo pitched 8 shutout innings, gave up only two hits, struck out eleven batters, and HOMERED to give the Brewers the only run in the ballgame. On the plus side, the Brewers’ lineup featured both Jason Kendall and Chris Duffy — it’s like the Pirates got the crap beat out of them by a rival neighborhood kid, but at least managed to stick a “KICK ME” sign on him as he was walking away.

The win marks the Pirates’ astonishing nine millionth consecutive loss at Miller Park; frankly, the fact that they lost all nine million games isn’t quite as baffling as the fact that MLB even scheduled them for nine million games in the first place, as that number constitutes an entire baseball season many tens of thousands of times over.

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