NBC’s Diabolical Ratings Scheme Actually Works; Game Seven Highest-Rated In 36 Years

ESPN has made it abundantly clear that only crazed MacKenzie Brother caricatures living in igloos in Winnepeg actually watch hockey, so this story about Game Seven of the Cup Finals drawing eight million viewers on a Friday night on NBC must be some sort of mistake.

Furthermore, the Penguins’ downtown victory parade drew an estimated 375,000 people, but that can’t be right, because that would mean that inhabitants of a U.S. city love and follow their hockey team with actual enthusiasm; I’m sure they just slapped black and gold on some drunken Maple Leafs fans and lured them to the ‘Burgh with the false promise of a Tragically Hip concert.

It’s almost as if these two numbers appear to suggest that…there are hockey fans in the United States??????? HUHHHHHUUUHHHH????? I could’ve sworn ESPN said that people only care about the NBA, the NFL Draft, Arena Football, and every other sporting event whose broadcast rights are owned by the ABC/ESPN family.

Does this mean that Matthew Barnaby will get thirty-FIVE seconds on SportsCenter next  year? That would be ludicrous.


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2 Responses to “NBC’s Diabolical Ratings Scheme Actually Works; Game Seven Highest-Rated In 36 Years”

  1. AD Says:

    Maybe Barnaby can steal five of those seconds from the 45 second spots on Bill Laimbeer getting out of the WNBA. It’s awesome to watch what ESPN covers when NBA, NFL, and yes, NHL, seasons are over – I think the front page right now is some obscure, non-humorous, random Kenny Mayne video that only ESPNInsiders understand.

  2. Gunny Says:

    espn stinks. They have waaaaaay too many shows in which it feels like people are yelling at me, i.e. that silly pti show. I do not want to watch sports “journalists” I want to watch sports. Thank goodness there are plenty of other alternatives out there so I do not have to watch espn.

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