Red Wings Sign Bertuzzi; Fill Need For Third Annoying, Injury-Prone Goalie-Interfering Dude


The Detroit Red Wings have agreed to terms on a deal with Todd Bertuzzi pending the free-agent forward passing a physical, sources told’s Pierre LeBrun on Tuesday.

The one-year deal is “worth around $1.5 million,” a source said.

Red Wings GM Ken Holland gushed, “Todd fills our need for a third huge annoying guy who can go to the net and interfere with the opposing goaltender so constantly, the refs will have to raise their standard of what constitutes an interference penalty.”

He added, “Right now, we’re probably penciling him in on the third line to spread out our goalie-interfering capabilities, but in a pinch, we could conceivably put him, Tomas Holmstrom and Johan Franzen on one line together, have them stand on each other’s shoulders in the crease wearing one big long jersey, and literally murder the opposing goaltender.”

“The fact that Bertuzzi is extremely injury-prone is a nice bonus, too, so he can be out for long extended periods of time and we can call up random AHL dudes you’ve never heard of who will instantly be better than most teams’ second-line forwards and it’ll piss you off. It’s a great fit for both parties.”


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