Lightning Players Hold Strip Shootout In Attempt To Also Get Called Gay By Flyer Fans

ESPN:

Lightning lighten up with strip shootout

The Tampa Bay Lightning didn’t face an opponent Tuesday night, but they almost saw too much of one another.

In an effort to inspire more team unity, Lightning players competed in a post-practice game of strip shootout, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Players faced off in a series of shootouts, forced to lose a piece of equipment every time their attempt was thwarted. The final player to find the back of the net?

Martin St. Louis, who (in order) lost his helmet, elbow pads, gloves, jersey, both leg pads, both skates, his leggings and socks before finally finishing one off. He had to attempt one shot with just one skate on, then took his final shots while wearing sandals from the locker room.

Sounds innocent enough, and clearly, NOT doing post-practice strip shootouts hasn’t really been working for Tampa, so what’s the harm?

But please, Penguins, no matter how badly the team needs a bonding boost, promise you’ll never, EVER do a team strip shootout. I already have to withstand 80,000 “Crosby is gay” comments in opposing arenas now; if word broke that Crosby and his teammates stripped for one another, that number will cube itself, and the word “is” will also be replaced by the word “gay,” so they can make sure to get “gay” twice in the three-word sentence.

Hypothetical Example:

[Enter Madison Square Garden. One billionth of one second passes.]

“Gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay
gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay
gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay
gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay…”

[Repeat x Duration of Game, Overnight, Sesame Street On Ice The Following Day]

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