Did The Penguins Play This Weekend? I Don’t Remember Anything

I seem to recall making lunch Saturday afternoon, sitting in front of my television around 2 o’clock, searching the viewing guide for “Penguins vs. Canadiens”, clicking to that channel, and the next thing I remember…it was 6:00 and I was on the ground, doused in sweat, and staring up at the ceiling. Then Sunday I tried it again around noon and the same thing happened. It’s almost like…my brain is trying to not let me remember what happened?

I have two possible theories for what occurred:

1) I was molested.

2) Through inexcusably clueless defense and pedestrian goaltending, the Pens continued to allow goals at a soul-crushing rate for two more games, losing excruciating games to the far inferior Montreal Canadiens and the annoying-as-balls Washington Capitals, thus ruining my weekend in a manner my brain would prefer to intentionally black out.

You guys – I think I was molested.

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