John Kruk Predicts Miguel Cabrera Will Hit .400

During Baseball Tonight’s “There Goes Two Hours Of Your Life” Preseason Special on Sunday, the BP panelists were prompted to give their “Bold Predictions” for 2010. Chris Singleton first commented that “Milton Bradley won’t get ejected from a game this year,” and Buster Olney went out on a limb and predicted the Rays’ Wade Davis to win the AL Cy Young this year — both unlikely predictions, but within the properties of the existing physical universe — but as usual, John Kruk took the segment to another stratosphere of insanity, predicting that the Tigers’ Miguel Cabrera will hit .400 this year:

I realize that the ESPN producers coax panelists into extreme sensationalism because it makes for better air, but there’s a difference between making an extremely bold statement just for the sake of being bold and saying a thing that absolutely, positively has zero chance of occurring and passing that off as in any way worth debating on a sports analysis show with any degree of credibility.

Some quick facts:

— No player has hit .400 in a season since Ted Williams in 1941.

— If you subtract 1941 from 2010, you get a number that is not unsmall.

— Miguel Cabrera is a career .311 hitter whose highest single-season average was .339.

— Any further word, breath, or brain cell devoted to this topic will be more a waste of time than the amount of time it actually takes, because it’ll be such a waste of time, it’ll somehow waste all the time surrounding it in the past, present, and future. Reality will bend into this wasted time and emerge more wasted, in a state of theoretical superwastedness. It will then go back in time and waste its grandfather’s time, thus creating a paradox because how could it have gone back in time to waste its grandfather’s time when it never would have existed to waste its own time without its grandfather’s wasted time being wasted first?

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2 Responses to “John Kruk Predicts Miguel Cabrera Will Hit .400”

  1. k Says:

    whoa. i can’t feel my fingers.

  2. Ed C Says:

    weirder things have happened

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