Lightning 2, Penguins 0: Ahhh, The Cool Breeze That Is DVR

The Pens’ power play recorded its magnum opus last night by completely failing to score or even come close to scoring during a 5-minute power play three minutes into the game — did this surprise anyone in the least bit? Aliens could’ve landed on earth two seconds before the Pens went on that man advantage, looked at a tv, and even though they have no concept of hockey, the Penguins, or human interactions, they still would’ve been like “The Pens are definitely gonna blow this xerfplorfff.” (“Xerfplorfff” is alien language for “big time”)

So the Pens didn’t score against the 7’3″ Mike Smith, then surrendered a power play goal of their own on a Marty St. Louis to Steven Stamkos one-timer that they apparently weren’t expecting (oh crap, Stockton passed to Malone?? We weren’t ready for that!)

The Lightning scored to take a 2-0 lead early in the second. What happened after that? I don’t know, because I fast-forwarded the rest of the game on my DVR to see if the Pens could even make it 2-1, and was rewarded by not wasting two hours of my life. I’m now passing that savings on to you by not analyzing the second two periods. Paying it forward! Remember that Oscar failure from like 10 years ago? No? I care about its existence exactly as much as I care about the second two periods of last night’s game.

Atlanta Saturday. Plans to blow the #2 seed and ending up against Philly in the first round so Pronger can high-stick the crap out of Crosby appear to be right on schedge.


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