I had to DVR the Steelers’ Week 2 game against Tennessee and ended up watching it in the early evening, fast-forwarding commercials and in between plays, and perhaps because of this accelerated pace in addition to the actual game goings-on, nothing in this game felt real to me. If I had been watching it at a normal pace, with ample time in between each turnover to high-five friends and celebrate, maybe it would’ve been exciting, but watching every other play Tennessee attempted result in a turnover then witnessing another one three minutes later again and again was so just so far beyond surreal, my enthusiasm was tempered by my ongoing bewilderment. Did Dick LeBeau type in the NFL Blitz “Every Play Results In A Turnover” code? Because if he did, that’s super cheap. Though I waaaas awfully suspicious that James Harrison had a giant Bill Clinton head.
Now that I’ve mostly convinced myself that the game actually did occur, we have to state the obvious: The Steelers’ D did literally as much as a defense can possibly do to win a game for a team. Well, not literally, they could’ve forced eight turnovers, and for that I’m sure they lost some sleep. But seriously, a team that’s +3 in turnovers wins more than 90% of the time in NFL games, so I imagine a team that goes +6 in turnovers wins — lemmie do the math here real quick — ERROR UNDEFINED % of the time. My computer’s calculator gives an error when you divide “6” by “Yes seriously The Steelers were +6 in turnovers and still needed to make a stand on the last drive to prevent a tie game.” Since when can you not type smartass sentence-long comments into calculators and have the calculators use them to make calculations? I swear I saw something about that during one of the commercials I fast-forwarded. Or it might have been Dr. Pepper.
Bottom line, the Steelers are 2-0 heading into their Week 3 matchup at Tampa. Uhoh, might be Byron Leftwich’s highly-anticipated return against the Buccaneers! QUICK – FLEX IT! FLEX IT! Oop, the fictional executive who was yelling “Flex It” just got fired.
The Steelers are opening as 2.5 point favorites, even without a starting quarterback named for Sunday. Though really, as a gambler, don’t you feel a lot safer betting on the Steelers when you don’t know definitively that you’re laying your money on Charlie Batch or a hobbled Leftwich? We do know that Josh Freeman is gonna be starting for Tampa, and we also know who’s gonna be starting for the Steeler defense. If I throw a wad of bills at this blog post, does that count as betting on the Steelers?