Archive for the ‘News In Brief’ Category

NEWS IN BR…F: Monday, May 16th, 2011

May 16, 2011

  • Crosby Still Unable To Work Out, Clean Room, Do Dishes



  • Fiesta Bowl Pays NCAA $1 Million In Small, Unmarked Bills



  • McLane Sells Astros, Quickly Calls “No Givebacks”



  • Source: Posada Unhappy With Yankees’ Unhappiness With Jeter’s “Posada Unhappy” Comments



  • Thrashers President: “We Will Explore All Options Of Roads Heading Out Of Atlanta”
  • NEWS IN BR…F: Tuesday, May 10, 2011

    May 10, 2011

  • World Cup Bribery Allegations “Completely False” Says FIFA Official’s Golden Robot Butler



  • Reggie Bush Causes Stir On Twitter With Too-Obvious “Osama Death Certificate” Joke



  • Haynesworth Physically Unable To Complete Sexual Abuse



  • LeBron Apologizes For “R-Word” Comment, Says He Meant To Use N-Word



  • Waivers Release Milton Bradley
  • NEWS IN BR…F: Monday, May 2, 2011

    May 2, 2011

  • Braves’ McDowell Apologizes For “Acting Like A Total Fag”



  • Fan Thinks Player He Watched Once Could Be Draft Sleeper



  • Miguel Cabrera Completes DUI-Free Weekend



  • Falcons Sign Up For Health Class To Pad Draft Grade



  • Yankees Sign Philly Robot Arm To Minor-League Contract
  • NEWS IN BR…F: Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

    November 2, 2010

  • Zito, Rowand, DeRosa “Big Three” Carry Giants To Victory



  • Cliff Lee: “I Could Return To Rangers If They Pay Me A Total F*ckton”



  • Redskins Interested In Moss, Russell, Merriman, Smallpox Blankets



  • Big East To Add 2 Football Teams, Bringing Total To 4



  • Parise Injured, Would Lend Stick To Hedberg If He Feels Like Playing Up
  • NEWS IN BR…F: Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

    October 26, 2010

  • Romo Breaks Clavicle, Ending Cowboys Season Two Weeks Ago



  • Zito Still Awkwardly Hanging Out With Giants



  • Lamoriello To MacLean: “I Won’t Fire You That Much Sooner Than Every Other Devils Coach”



  • Marijuana Arrest Reminds Buccaneers To Cut Jerramy Stevens



  • Eagles’ Reid Burns Timeout During Bye Week
  • NEWS IN BR…F: Wednesday, September 15, 2010

    September 15, 2010

    • Jets Fail To Back Up Sexual Boasts



    • Bush Forfeits Heisman For “Teammates,” Bunch Of Illegal Stuff He Did



    • Padres’ Gonzalez: “We Know We Can Blow This”



    • Packers Forget To Pick Up Brandon Jackson In Fantasy



    • NFL Insists Overturned Calvin Johnson TD Was “Retarded But Correct”

    NEWS IN BR…F: Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

    September 8, 2010

    • Brady Pulls Off Dramatic Last-Second Contract Extension



    • NCAA To Revoke Bush’s Heisman, Forfeit $7 Billion They Made Off Him



    • Packers Now Awesome



    • Hoffman Records 600th Dumb Fantasy Stat



    • Intimidated By Having Heard Of Him, Seahawks Cut Houshmandzadeh

    NEWS IN BR…F: Wednesday, August 4th 2010

    August 4, 2010

    • Report: Favre To Retire, Boy Cries Wolf



    • Celtics Begin Youth Movement, Sign Shaq



    • Haynesworth Unable To Finish Dinner



    • A-Rod Hits Nice Round Numbered Home Run



    • Chicago Releases Blackhawks To Get Under Cap

    NEWS IN BR…F: Wednesday, July 28th 2010

    July 28, 2010

    • Strasburg Shows Flashes Of Hall-Of-Fame Shoulder Inflammation



    • Bryant: “I’m Not Here To Carry Pads, I’m Here To Field Questions About Carrying Pads For The Next Seven Weeks”



    • Devils Propose Efficient, Hard-To-Watch Defense Of Kovalchuk Contract



    • Bengals Sign Owens To Distract From Distractions



    • Rangers Successfully Convince Frolov The Colby Amstrong Deal Never Happened

    NEWS IN BR…F: Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

    July 7, 2010

    • LeBron Mum On Lunch Destination



    • Kovalchuk Deciding Between Newark, Long Island, Russia, Hanging Self



    • JaMarcus Russell Swears It Was Just His Daily Corn Syrup



    • Maple Leafs Celebrate 5th Year Of Trying To Trade Kaberle



    • Vick Not Charged In Party Shooting, Still Killed A Bunch Of Dogs