Here Is Exactly What Will Happen In The Pirates / Astros Series

My friend Dave and I had a GChat conversation about the upcoming Pirates/Astros series, agreeing that it’s definitely going to be the annual “Pirates could take 2 of 3 here and get to .500”-seeming series that the Pirates will definitely, DEFINITELY blow.

Rather than summarize our soon-to-be-painfully-accurate points, I’ve just copied and pasted the GChat conversation in its entirety, because I am a hard worker:

Dave: we’ve got 3 home games against Houston
and there’s no reason not to think we could be .500 by next Monday
above .500 i meant

Me: letdown time?

Dave: YEP
letdown time
its a layup

Me: I think you’re right
Wandy Rodriguez / Bud Norris first two games
there’s 18 Ks

Dave: I could see that absolutely
both K guys

Me: then JA Happ who they should beat but something will fuck up
two lefties too, so might be some Brandon Wood 3B action
god, Wood or Pedro vs Wandy Rodriguez is like 99% chance of K either way

Dave: if things go as planned, they’ll drop the first, then win the second and Happ should be shoe-in for .500
and they’ll drop that one 5 – 1
haha ya it is man

Me: yes!
totally
and they’ll get a run off Happ in the first, leave two on base
then he’ll go six innings
and someone who I make fun of in the Houston lineup will have a three run double
like Geoff Blum or something

Dave: i mean its almost as easy as figuring out the plot to a romantic comedy
run off happ in the first is PERFECT
almost like a dude accidentally sneezing on the stranger woman he’s about to fall in love with in the standard rom com

Me: haha

Dave: as an added teaser to this bet, I’ll lay odds that it will be a ‘beautiful day for baseball’ on sunday
75 and sunny

Me: and a good PNC Park turnout

Dave: they’ll get a nice crowd
BOOM
same thought

Me: there is no doubt this is happening
save this convo

Dave: i’ll have my assistant log it

Me: PAM!
jot this down

Dave: “Got it… 1 – 1 split, lotta K’s, big crowd…. umm sorry was it supposed to be good weather on Sunday or a good crowd??”
“BOTH PAM, BOTH!!!”

Me: haha

Dave: i want my role to be played by ed asner