Team Hopper’s very own Jorge De La Rosa is heading to the DL, so I hopped (joke!) on Yahoo fantasy baseball today to find a pitching replacement, and within seconds, was doing a cartooney pitching-related double-take, complete with Masklike sound effects (and kept yelling “Not Smokin’!” at my computer screen).
Why the crazy? Because these are the Top 4 starting pitchers available in my 9-team Yahoo league:
Hey Major League Baseball, 2006 called, it wants its pitching performances back! ZINGGG!!!! AWWW SNAPP, I sure showed that screengrab of Yahoo Fantasy Baseball who is the boss of it!
Seriously? Barry Zito? Livan Freaking Hernandez? I cannot in good conscience click on any of those little green plus signs, because I know Yahoo will instantly forward my information to the FBI’s “Flight Risk” list, plus I’ll lose my fantasy baseball pool, though the latter outcome is a lot less severe than my imminent Guantanamo detainment and torture. That’s right, they’re reconvening Guantanamo Bay solely for the purpose of torturing me for considering picking up Carlos Silva. Sounds extreme? This is BARRY ZITO, people.
[Stares blankly at entry fee in a pillar of flame]