The Pirates are terrible. They’re playing abysmal baseball, their offense is deplorable, their bullpen is a wreck, and watching them for any extended length of time — as I still bring myself to do quite often, just as I kept eagerly watching Season 14 Simpsons episodes — is nothing short of excruciating. The last thing I am going to begin to argue is that the Pirates are not currently terrible. Deal? Deal.
With that out of the way, brace yourself for some more ham-fisted, unintelligible, vague Pirate-bashing gibberish from one Murray Chass, writer of numerous nonsensical articles including most recently this jaw-dropping homage to whaaaa?? about the Red Sox.
In honor of yesterday’s Fire Joe Morgan reunion over at Deadspin, let’s take an FJM-style peek into Chass’ new column:
A peripherally-Pgh-knowledgeable sportswriter is upset about the way the Pirates do things! Feel like we’ve been down this road before…
As the season dwindles down to a precious few weeks, attention is focused on remaining races – not that there are any – and the playoffs ahead. But pause for a moment in your excited anticipation and think of how Pittsburgh Pirates fans approach the post-season.
They may actually look forward to it eagerly because once they get beyond Oct. 4, the Pirates can’t lose any more games this year.
True! Meanwhile, fans of the Astros and Orioles will be all like “Awwww man, the season’s over?? I wish this battle for 75 victories could last forever!”
They probably can’t make any more trades either because they have already traded everybody of value.
On second thought they have Andrew McCutchen on their roster, and if they traded Nyjer Morgan they can trade Andrew McCutchen.
Tires screeching .wav! Did you just compare trading Nyjer Morgan to trading Andrew McCutchen?
Nyjer Morgan: 29 years old, hitting .307 / .369 / .388, 3 HR in unexpectedly-sustained career year.
Andrew McCutchen: 22 years old, hitting .272 / .347 / .454, 11 HR in first major-league season.
Morgan has had a more amazing year offensively and defensively than even the most optimistic Pirate fan could’ve expected. He is also 29 years old and dependent upon his speed and batting average for his offensive value; considering most players tend to decline after their age 27-30 seasons, and that slap hitters who rely on batting averages tend to fluctuate wildly from year to year, it is sheer lunacy to expect Morgan to ever improve upon these numbers, and almost as unlikely for him to ever repeat them for a full season.
McCutchen, meanwhile, is a former first round pick who, at age 22, is outslugging career-year Morgan by 60 points, and appears poised to quickly ascend to the elite ranks of National League outfielders.
You’re talking about trading apples and oranges, if the oranges were 7 years younger than the apples and already a more dynamic offensive player but the apples smile a lot and hit for average so sportswriters love them cause they’re gutty throwback tablesetters. A lobotomized emu could see the difference between trading Nyjer Morgan and Andrew McCutchen.